F. Murray Abraham arrives on behalf of a remarried couple whose original divorce was handled by David Lee, who is apparently spends his time off performing Gilbert & Sullivan numbers in full dress. Since one of the companies the wife got in the divorce was sold off at a loss -- but is still profiting Lockhart, Gardner, thanks to Julius's foresight -- what seems at first like a nuisance case eventually becomes one of fraud, which threatens to take down the firm itself.
Julius and David Lee are at each other's throats, everybody's getting subpoenaed, and Eli -- of course -- chooses this moment to make a snotty power play against David Lee himself. Central to getting them out of this mess is a conflict waiver Alicia swears she had the wife sign, but nobody can seem to find. It was only her second divorce with the firm, and no matter how many loving looks Kalinda shoots her she can't remember what happened to the paper... Which magically appears, somehow, having possibly been slipped into some paperwork David Lee drew up for the Florrick kids' trust for Alicia to sign without knowing it.
Since we'll never know -- although it's a pretty slick workaround for Alicia's whole morality thing she's got going to be anything else -- Alicia must abide by Diane's directive to testify only to her own best memory and, since she doesn't remember signing the paper today, but does remember signing it years ago, means the paperwork goes through either way. In the end, even Cary manages to be a little sad that we've lost the Alicia Florrick of yore, who would have gone straight to the Supreme Court with her worries that she might have signed a piece of paper.
Meanwhile, Diane keeps running into this hot Australian process-server who seems to have an interest in her, but keeps getting sidetracked into beating up hoodlum lawyers and serving summons to her and her coworkers, so she's in no mood for Eli and David Lee's shenanigans, and in the end she gives them both a stern talking-to that's tonally at least as brilliant as anything we get from...
Elsbeth Tascioni! First Peter's, then -- memorably -- Alicia's, and now seems she's going to be Will's lawyer for the grand jury trial being brought by Wendy Scott-Carr. Which indictment has, by the end of the hour, finally come down, but not after a chillingly adorable face-off between the two ladies, and an even cuter meeting of the minds at her law office-slash-unicorn stable that Will finds as bemusingly adorable as Alicia ever did.
Next week: Jason Biggs, and the return of Bob Balaban in that ripped-from-the-headlines Bitcoin episode you've been dying to see.
Diane is looking at some kind of art when she is approached by the Australian Freddy Krueger, and points out to him that you can stand on this one place in front of the painting and see the artist's signature. It's so sassy how she does this that he follows her to the next painting. They talk about how her voice is so amazing, and he admits that all Australian people are faking their accents as a mean joke, since nobody would talk like that naturally.
Freddy: "Americans always ask people what they do for a living, and Australians always ask hot ladies to dinner. You go first."
Diane: "I feel sexy and wild! I don't even care what you do for a living, like Americans always do. Just ask me on a date!"
Freddy: "Unfortunately, I am a process server and this whole thing was a grotesque and complex way to fuck with your mind."
Diane: "Even those who always see these things coming are not always immune to the sensuous quacking sounds of the Australian."
ENTER THE MATRICULATRIX
Zach: "I'm sure we're going to have a ball at this, our eighth school this year."
Grace: "I'm just as sure I will wither here, lonely and unloved. At least until I pull another Martha Marcy May Marlene."
Alicia: "Probably. Hey, your middle school teacher. Hey, those bitches that froze me out after your dad fucked a hooker on the public dime."
Zach & Grace, adorably: "How sad and disadvantaged kids must be, having to go to public school. I feel really sorry for them."
Alicia: "You guys are being so cute right now!"
Australian Freddy Krueger: "Mrs. Florrick?"
Alicia: "What do you do for a living?"
Will: "It's so great being at this wedding dancing with the bride!"
Australian Freddy Krueger: "May I have this dance... Dude?"
Will: "What do you do for a living?"
Diane: "Will, where are you right now?"
Will: "I just got served with a grand jury summons for all that illegal shit we constantly..."
Diane: "-- Hey Will? We're on speakerphone. I've got Alicia here, that third-year associate that doesn't need to know every creepy thing we do? She got served too. I also got served. Wicked harsh."
Will: "I'm sorry to hear that, both of you."
Diane: "No, I mean like I got fuckin' served."