The Good Wife
Anatomy Of A Joke

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Safe Harbor

Turner: "No, I heard he has a birthmark on his penis shaped like Brazil. Confirm or deny?"
Eli, verbatim and grossed out: "...How dare you, sir?"
Mitch, laughing: "At long last, how dare you?"
Eli: "Seriously, you guys are gross. Journalism is in such a sad place right now. I'm out."

Eli: "I like that everybody at this table just immediately scooted out of slapping range. That shows good initiative. Now I need somebody to call Alicia, somebody to call the candidate, and I need Peter Florrick's dick on the phone stat."


Rebecca Stokes: "I've been the makeup artist for Christian Finnegan Live for ten years."
Burl: "And did you do anything weird with Christina Ricci's makeup that night?"
Stokes: "That's just her face, Your Honor."

Burl: "What I mean is, what about her boobs?"
Stokes: "I did those breasts up real pretty, sir. I thought she was being weird or maybe sexually harassing me, but then when I saw the broadcast I was like, Oh, I get it."
L/G: "Well, shit."
Dodd: "Sorry guys."


L/G: "Fine, how much?"
Burl: "Uh, still two mil."
Alicia: "She can't pay that shit! She is a hot mess!"
Burl: "With a book contract."
Will: "So CBS is cool with bankrupting a comedienne -- essentially the traveling bard of our technology-dependent era -- whose mother died of breast cancer?"
Burl: "No, it will look like they care about decency."
Diane: "Then have her apologize! Do a PSA! It could be real classy!"
Burl: "Fuck that."

Clarke Hayden: "Ahem."
L/G: "What."
Clarke Hayden: "Nothing."
L/G: "Ugh."

Will: "Then get out of here."
Burl: "See, the Parents' Television Council has been bombarding the FCC with complaints about Ms. Dodd's little stunt. Presumably the FCC will fine CBS the max, which is three million."

The Parents' Television Council is about as necessary or valid as the Catholic League or the Tea Party. The global hallmark of fundamentalism -- whether American, Christian or Muslim -- is the desire to return to a pristine state of things that never actually existed: Going retrograde to a safe harbor, where women did what they were told and men were in control of everything. The PTC is an arm of this fundamentalism that uses intellectual dishonesty, and occasionally flat-out lying, to make choices for other people, with the most hyped-up volatile language imaginable.

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The Good Wife




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