Eli: "You're trying to pull a Sun Tzu. You know, how in The Art Of War there's apparently that chapter about giving leprechauns handjobs over a hot toddy. But Sun Tzu never fought with a Jew! I'm talking Masada. We don't play."
Stacie: "Wait, you're Jewish?"
Eli: "Nice. That was a good one."
Stacie: "I'm going to keep being weird, okay?"
Eli: "No, like with all the giggling and your weird little grandma Chanel suits and whatnot. I'm so sure."
Stacie squirts whipped cream into his palm and starts sucking it off like a Doberman Pinscher. I was wrong! Turns out there are plenty of things more unsettling than watching Amy Sedaris drink a beverage.
Eli: "Um, this is lacking in subtlety..."
Stacie, eyes crossed with furious lust, licking away: "Ooooh, tell me about Masada! Big strong Jewish warriors..."
Boner: Achieved. What a gloriously uncomfortable situation we are all in now. We are all sons of bitches now.
THE NOT-SO-GOOD WIFE
Peter: "Alicia, let's have a glass of wine and talk about how Jackie needs to quit it. What else is going on, are you doing all right?"
Alicia: "Moderately okay. I'll tell ya, though, work is pretty stressful. You know, because of the Grand Jury investigation."
Peter: "Talk about lacking in subtlety."
Alicia: "This is literally the first time I have ever tried this shit in my life, cut me a break."
Peter: "I can't talk to you about this..."
Alicia: "We need to talk about this, actually."
Peter: "This is why I brought in Wendy Scott-Carr."
Alicia: "To keep your hands clean! At the expense of..."
Peter: "Your boss Will Gardner that you are fucking?"
Alicia: "I was going to say My firm, actually. But if that's the issue, we can talk about..."
Peter, verbatim and scary: "-- OF COURSE THAT'S THE ISSUE!"
Oh my God it is all happening.
Alicia, basically honestly: "There's nothing between us."
Peter: "I used to be able to tell when you were lying. You really have changed."
Alicia: "I am not lying! Technically."
Peter: "You're manipulating the truth like a pro..."
Alicia, verbatim: "-- You'd know all about pros."
They are so hurt! They are so angry and hurt and wonderful! No wonder this season seemed like it was going so slow! This is going to be the longest break ever!