He dials Diane's number. By heart.

COLAVITO CASE(S)

Okay, this is thrilling to watch but probably more trouble than it's worth to recap literally, so I'll just tell you what's up. This girl Brandi Colavito was at a cringingly titled three-day music festival in Chicago called, are you ready for this, "Alt-O-Rama." I love it when they make up names for things on this dorky show, because it always makes less sense than just calling it what it actually is. Like "ChumHum." Fuck is a "ChumHum"?

I'm sorry to tell you this, but Brandi died at that event. But then the killer transported her dead body 50 miles south, to Grundy County -- her little hometown called Minooka -- and dumped her there. Brandi had a stalkery ex-boyfriend back home, Gary Kuharski who looks like a killer hobo, and was at the festival with her current boyfriend, Troy Mallick, who looks like your future husband. (Guess which one did it!) Two tigers, one of whom turned and bit her. Both, actually -- spoiler alert! -- but only one of the times was it fatal. The other one, she managed to escape.

Both of these boys are on trial for the murder, Killer Hobo in Minooka and American Psycho in Cook County. I don't know how that could possibly happen, but it has happened. Further, we've already had a lot of rulings on both cases that will come into play later, like, certain evidence has been excluded by the bench in a given court, for example. Because this show pretends it's a procedural, we don't get to know any of that until it becomes relevant to the twists and turns, so it's sort of 1/3 thrilling, 1/3 like watching a succession of Perry Masons popping up out of nowhere all the time, and 1/3 like a little kid telling you a story and she keeps forgetting to mention the details: "So the King says... Oh, I forgot to tell you, but this puppy is also a princess. That is important."

I'm going to refer to Grundy County, rather than "Minooka," because no offense but "Minooka" pisses me off, as a word, whereas "Grundy" is delightful to both write and say aloud. Grundy Grundy Grundy. If for some reason you want to hear everybody say "Minooka" like a billion fucking times, watch the episode because you will not be disappointed. Anyway, we learn all of this as, like this show is wont to do, we cross-cut and segue and fade and screenwipe back and forth between the two courts. It's a lot of people to get to: There's the two defendants, their two lawyers, the two judges, and the two prosecutors. Here's the rundown.