So the reason I didn't get this done before the weekend is that I had to go back and figure out all of this, because you know what makes zero impression on Jacob? Baby Boomer Authority Figures. You could tell me one judge was played by Jane Kaczmarek and then in the very next sentence, George Takei or Arsenio Hall, and I'd believe you, thrice, because they all look the fuckin' same to me.
JUDGE ROBERT PARKS
Is the one that always ends up in hospital rooms yelling at Patti Nyholm about fetus hearts or tattoo ladies, and he was also the judge in the rat-fucking case where Blake killed that perverted doctor. Like with Judge Dunaway, they've talked in given episodes about how he is predisposed toward L/G, but specifically to Diana rather than Will. He's dumbly susceptible to Canning and Nyholm-type drama, but has a winky cleverness, like when he ignored Patti cutely turning traitor on her former firm in the middle of a trial, or when he responded to fishing-expedition objections with, "What fish are you afraid they're chasing?," which I loved. Oh, and he was this judge too, one of the all-time best moments of the whole show:
Patti, scoffing: "I wish Mrs. Florrick didn't think she was arguing before the Supreme Court."
Alicia, FTW: "And I wish Miss Nyholm did."
On the other hand, he was a key Lifeguard, protecting that racist horror Judge Baxter, and he's anti-choice. So that's scary. And of course at the end of the episode it's Parks that has the most problematic files.
JUDGE HARVEY WINTER
Was Peter's appellate judge during the first season, and a big fan, until he told the ASAs not to bribe Winter -- or did he? -- and they signed affidavits saying he did, which lost him bail. Then in the appeal, Kalinda managed to blackmail him while giving testimony without anybody else realizing it, because as it turns out he's got a serious racist antebellum mammy prostitute kink going on, which got Peter home. The last time we saw him, he was down on the docks yelling about the party-boat rapists and how unfair international politics can be, especially when China is so set on being super-creepy.
JUDGE PETER DUNAWAY
Hates being interrupted, likes putting attorneys in Time Out, and accidentally friended Button Lady. He's pretty adorable and grumpy, and shows a strong predilection for the likes of Diane and Coyne. He got pissed when the jury handed down a guilty verdict, making them each say it out loud, and then did everything he could to back the defense while they ran around freaking out, but that's not entirely suspicious, since it was a murder trial. He was published on judicial misconduct, and didn't blink when Dana prissily sent Wendy after him... Except then he did, and both Coyne and Diane noticed that his demeanor had changed to somebody who was either being decidedly impartial for appearances, or was actually running scared. In the end, he accidentally caused the mistrial himself, getting so pissed off at his mistake -- unless this also was theatre -- that he did a whole speech about how he doesn't want to be a judge anymore.