"If you don't buy these gold buffalo coins we made up, with the Twin Towers and Kenny Chesney on it, and like a bald eagle giving birth to the Iowa primary, you will only have yourself to blame. Because in a minute, you are going to be put in a home and your children are definitely going to die in a nuclear blast. Don't spend your life wracked with regret -- the postapocalypse is going to be hard enough."
Jason Biggs, one hundred times: "I can't tell you anything about my client without violating attorney-client privilege."
Alicia: "No, she was asking if you wanted coffee."
Jason Biggs: "I can't answer that."
Alicia: "Do you know what time it is?"
Jason Biggs: "Sorry. Privilege."
However, Mr. Bitcoin wrote a manifesto when Bitcoin came out. You know, like how normal people are always writing manifestoes. Like how stable individuals are always doing that.
Kalinda: "I can use made-up linguistic technology to figure that out, it's all very complicated. Basically I will googlewhack every phrase in the manifesto and then start hurling accusations at random folks."
Alicia: "If I weren't pretending you don't exist, I would so get weird about that word and how everything's so technological these days."
Diana: "You should go to Decode-A-Con. You know, Decode-A-Thon? The conference of cryptographers? You know, cryptographers? That very real, monolithic subculture that totally exists and has its own customs and social mores and quirks?"
Everybody: "Or else it's actually just Jason Biggs, and this is the most annoying shit that ever happened to us."
Will: "Kalinda. I have a vulnerability."
Kalinda: "Emotional or legal?"
Will: "Good one. No, it's just that my bookie we suddenly keep talking about, Jonathan Meade, once forgave me a debt of like eight grand. So I guess that could look bad."
Kalinda: "Uh, yeah. Yeah, it could."
Will: "Could you go into our files and look for anything hinky with cases involving those three judges Jacob was talking about before?"
Kalinda: "Sure, right after I get back from the episode of dipshitty NCIS that somehow found its way into our vastly superior show. Hey, Friendo. Are you freaking out yet?"
Will: "Kind of."
Kalinda: "Wouldn't that be sooo weird? Like if we had feelings and were human people?"
Will: "I know, right?"