Jason Biggs shows up as a smirking lawyer who pays for things in cash and whatever, with the Fed up in his piehole for protecting his client, the person who invented Bitcoin. Cue the show taking thirty minutes to explain to Alicia what Bitcoin is, in the confabulated studio-adulterated way the show has of talking about technology, before finally she just throws her hands up in the air and says that Bitcoin makes her feel old.
Also making her feel old is Zach telling Nisa that he loves her, which weirds Alicia out, but then then plays her and Jackie off each other in a really funny, non-jerky way to keep them out of it. I don't know what he thinks he's doing with a girlfriend, I'm so sure Zach has time for a relationship, what with going to high school and his full-time job being the entire IT department of a giant Chicago law firm.
Because Alicia's been up against the Treasury before, and won, Biggs comes to her for help. Balaban is not thrilled to see her, and the legalities of the case are a thicket of whether Bitcoin is a currency or a commodity, whether you are bartering with it versus paying for things with it, etc. I don't know why I'm bothering to explain that part, never mind.
The important thing is that Kalinda spends a lot of time seducing nerds into explaining the internet to her. If you've ever seen a TV show, then you know what the nerds are like in this episode. In the end, somebody invented Bitcoin or something, it doesn't matter, it never matters on this show, although there are some cute almost-smiles between Alicia and Kalinda as they pull a succession of tricks on Balaban that hearkens back to the good old days.
Meanwhile, Elsbeth invites the State's Attorney's Special Prosecutor's Hand-Picked Team of Assistant State's Attorneys to come visit her office -- which is now just a smoking hole in the side of a mountain, without even tables or chairs or walls, and birds flying in and out of it at their leisure -- so she can dick Wendy around some more, and also find out who the judges are in the debt-forgiveness/bribery case Wendy's still building.
Kalinda goes through the files on those three judges, coming up with one case that looks pretty bad: A bench trial that ended up $8M in L/G's favor. Meanwhile, Dana's tasked with acting all bisexual and also scaring the bejesus out of Kalinda, and does a great job with both, producing the conflict waiver from last week's divorce case and threatening Alicia with disbarment if Kalinda doesn't give her something.
Going after Kalinda's feelings about Alicia is just about the sickest/smartest thing WSC has come up with yet, and it's so awesome and plot-devicey, but it's also still somehow shocking how she pretty much immediately turns over the incriminating file. Is she selling out Will to save Alicia? Doubtful; I'm sure in two weeks we'll learn that Will is cool with her handing that file over, or she's giving them just enough rope, or it's about anticipating how they will come after him, etc. Still, pretty chilling.
Two Weeks: Wendy puts Alicia on the stand and asks her if she ever slept with Will, is a thing that will happen. So it seems like the next episode is going to be some kind of a bloodbath. In the meantime, let's quietly review what we've learned about Bitcoin, and about making nerds do your bidding.
Another day, another smirking scofflaw in the Lockhart, Gardner reception area. This is a Mr. Stack, Jason Biggs-played and tailored-suit wearing, who grins at the black-suited gentlemen shadowing him as though he is untouchable.
Alicia: "Mr. Stack? I'm Alicia Florrick. You're here to bother me?"
Suits: "This is a mistake, Mr. Stack. You walk through that door, we can't help you."
Stack: (Mugging, smirking, etc.)
Alicia: "Okay, what is your deal? And let me say from the start that we're a full-service firm, we don't really do walk-ins. I had a busy day of avoiding people that were recently central to my life ahead of me."
Stack: "I'm not a walk-in! I called ahead."
Alicia: "To tell me you were walking in, yes. That's where the term comes from. Who were those dudes, and what do you want."
Stack: "They were agents of the US Treasury, and they want to put me in jail for not revealing my client's name."
Alicia nods at Kalinda, who goes out to bother the Treasury guys and get their badge numbers and stuff.
Stack: "I practice digital information law in New York. The US Treasury wants to arrest one of my clients, a client who asked that I maintain his anonymity. This is a subpoena to submit to questioning, or be imprisoned for 18 months."
Alicia: "Why are you making this our problem?"
Stack: "Your problem specifically. Heard tell of a woman with alabaster skin, who went head to head with Bob Balaban and won."
Alicia: "It was actually this magical fairy lawyer who shows up when the wind changes, and but anyway we don't need more governmental bullshit right now."
Stack: "I brought loads and loads of unmarked, nonsequential bills."
Diane: "Yeah, well, that does make you seem more trustworthy."
Diane: "Is that money counterfeit? I mean, what is your damage?"
Stack: "Why would you think that? Just because I walked in here with a shit-ton of cash and the US Treasury on my ass?"
Diane: "Yes. For reasons such as that."
Stack: "Two different things. My client -- whom I refuse to name and will continue to say that every five seconds throughout this entire episode, so don't get any ideas -- invented this fascinating thing called Bitcoin, which is a digital currency. And since secondary currencies are a violation of federal law, somehow these guys think my client should be arrested."