Ricky: "I'm going away now."
Mom: "We love you."
Ricky: "I know."
Mom: "What can we do for you?"
For a moment it's the movie that his mother things it is; the remorse and the love in his eyes. And then it burns out.
There's supposed to be good in everyone. Sometimes it's hard to see.
Ricky, laughing: "Burn in hell. Both of you. I want you to suffer every day of your life thinking of me."
Alicia is ashamed, for a second, about all of it. Mostly about this: No reason. No reason to take three days to kill two girls. No reason to summon your perfect family to the jail on the hour and day of your death, just to ruin them from the inside. No reason for any of this. There's supposed to be good in everyone. There's not supposed to be something like this, something inborn, something not explainable with diseases or poverty or abuse, something that just squats like a toad like this. We're supposed to be cleaner than this. There are supposed to be parts of us, redeemable parts, that can be reached. Just one tiny place.
Ricky, grinning: "Bye, Mom! Love you! It was fun."
He liked doing mean things. It was fun for him.
Tom LaVere is released; Kalinda comes, to thank Cary for following up.
Kalinda: "You all right?"
Cary: "Uh, considering it was my first gunfight. You?"
Kalinda: "Yeah, thanks for pulling me down. For protecting me."
It can get to a place where the whole world seems turned against what you know in your heart: That just by feeling this way, sending this radiation out, you know you look crazy to the world. You love ethnic chicks; you're pining for a lesbian. But if you can't trust your own feelings, if you can't look at it honestly and say, "This is 65% infatuation, but I am sure of 35% of it is real," that would suck but at least you would know.
And there's a chicken/egg thing here where maybe that's why he loves her and maybe it's because he loves her, but you can't be expected to unravel that one. So then the problem is that it's Kalinda, because she is the ultimate absorber of radiation; she bounces nothing. But she can pretend. A person could go crazy.
And yet, there's the nuclear option, which is just to ask. Maybe she'll lie, maybe she won't know she's lying, but it's the only way to finish it, because you can't know, anymore, how much of this castle you just built inside your head. To level it is to ask. To find one clean place in the castle and bring her there, and ask. Once.