L/G STRATEGY MTG (JOHNSON, PACKER)
Diane sources Alicia to the Packer defense because she's pretty, and because Judge Glendon likes her and maybe she can get him to let her go to the jail. Suddenly they are talking about a better defense for Ricky Packer, even though nobody gives a shit about him, so that they can leverage their stay -- or stall or whatever, their efforts -- in the appeal to make him like Alicia more and tell her the true thing. Even Will thinks that's a little slimy, which is really saying something.
Diane: "Two prongs. Kalinda, investigate the 22nd Disciple murder. Alicia, go be pretty."
Kalinda: "I have access to the State Attorney's office again, so yeah."
Diane: "Good. And again, the immediate push has to be on this appeal, because we are playing with a man's life in order to save our white client."
Will: "Alicia, can I talk to you? About a legal thing, okay?"
Will: "Sorry to make that sound so boss-like."
Alicia: "You are my boss, so..."
Will: "Diane keeps acting like we are making a terrible, awful mistake."
Alicia: "In all fairness, that is what we are making. That, and lots of naughty love. Or should we stop doing that? Should we hit Pause and not Stop?"
Will: "I don't think we should hit either of those."
Alicia: "I don't think it would work if we tried."
Will: "Yeah, because of our scorching chemistry and stuff. Hey, does Peter know?"
Alicia: "HA! Can you imagine? We'd all die in a hail of bullets. You'd be going to jail, the SA would be up your ass about stuff from twenty years ago... Eli would do a leprechaun dance on my broken-ass body! What a nightmare that would hypothetically be!"
Will: "...Okay, sure. Sure, let's go with No. Never mind what I was going to say."
GOLD & ASSOC.
The Candidate is named Robert Mulvey, and he is gorgeous in that presidential, white-teeth, blonde-helmet, TV-ready Romney Perry Quayle square-jawed way. And what he thinks about that mysterious picture is: That it is awesome.
Mickey: "It's the ridicule factor, sir. Like Anthony Weiner."
Mulvey: "Yeah, but Anthony Weiner took his clothes off and photographed himself for his constituents. This is just..."
Eli: "You, fellating Santa."
Every Man when he says that word: "Pause. No homo. No homo. Pause. No homo."
Eli: "...A giant Santa statue, with your back to the camera, going to down on his jolly elf dick."