Cary: "You know how we're best friends, from a second ago?"
Dolan: "Yeah, I remember. Bitches."
Cary: "That was a sneaky trick. Now I am arresting you for the murder of the register guy."
Dolan: "Wait, what?"
Cary: "Hang on, because I am about to get very mean. As weird as it was when I was super nice, it's even weirder how mean I am about to be to you."
Dolan: "I am honestly very confused."
Cary: "Not to mention a murderer, you piece of filth."
Alicia: "Mr. Dolan, I'm Alicia Florrick. You can trust me because I'm relatable."
Dolan: "Are you the public defender? Because you're dressed like you're going to the opera."
Alicia: "No, this is pro bono. Because you're so super poor."
Dolan: "That's actually why we're here. See, I couldn't get any '80s money so then I looked at greeting cards and I was going to get a squirt gun for my kid, and then that was the last time my life made any sense."
Alicia: "For me, it was right before my husband had sex with a prostitute on camera."
Cary: Hisses! Spits!
Alicia: "Nice to see you too, Cary."
Witness: "White people all look the same to me, but sure, I can do a lineup."
Cary: "Also, why is there a mysterious lady in here with us at this lineup?"
Mysterious Lady: "That is one of the most mysterious things about me."
Alicia: Notices he's wearing glasses; Cary notices her noticing.
Cary: "Witness Guy, were you wearing glasses when you witnessed the crime?"
Witness: "Yes. Also, that is the man that did the crime. I spot him."
Police: "That Cute Young Dad there?"
Witness: "Yes, he went psycho!"
Police: "That's sad to hear. It's this economy."
Travis Dolan used to work for Parks. I don't know if that's a hedge fund or like Leslie Knope or what, but either way he's adorable and we know he didn't do it. But now Cary Agos is saying that Dolan saw the cops coming and ditched his own gun and ran toward the back of the store -- which is going to end up being kind of true, but not about Dolan -- and Cary and Alicia agree to offer him second degree. Which is two degrees more than he should be going to jail for, because we know him and we know he didn't do it. But everybody else on this show doesn't know him as well as we do. Not quite yet.