Diane, servin' up some real talk: "We are heading into a double-dip recession without a bankruptcy department, without tax lawyers, and our lawyers -- some of our best lawyers, really our only lawyer to be totally honest -- are busy doing pro bono? Balls to that. Balls to poor people, and balls to their legal issues. That is what PDs are for. You call the pro bono people and tell them to suck it. I'm cancelling my scheduled contributions to Planned Parenthood and 826 Valencia. I am serious this time, Will! As God is my witness, we will not watch money flood out the door anymore. Charity was the Old Diane. New Diane says Fuck it."
Eli: "Kalinda, break it down for me. Who's the boss in there?"
Kalinda: "You're the freak genius, you figure it out. If you can't even get to the bottom of a power structure that involves the two named partners, I don't know what to do with you."
Eli: "I feel like there's more than I'm getting and I'm not sure what it is."
Kalinda: "Maybe it's because David Lee is almost never here, and most of the older partners died in a sudden Inuit culling, and Bond is gone, but it really is exactly as simple as it appears. That's one of the great things about being in a law firm run by awesome, smart, good people."
OR ARE THEY/IS IT?
Diane: "We've expanded, Will, beyond our means. Yes, we're one of the few all-service firms left standing, but we did it at a cost, and we can't continue this way. We need bankruptcy. If there's one department that'll survive a double-dip recession, it's bankruptcy. To build one from the ground up would take time, but luckily enough, we can acquire one off the shelf. There's a firm breaking up: malpractice is going one way, acquisition another, bankruptcy, I just found out, is going with litigation."
Celeste. She's talking about Celeste Serrano! Oh no!
Will: "Oh, hell no. You said no, I said no. We agreed no. No to that hellcat, that banshee. She is a lunatic. You know she has this retinue of transvestites that she takes places, right? She has a white puma, some kind of great cat, that lives at her house. She once got thrown in jail for stalking ZZ Top. That lady is insane, no. No to that."
Diane: "I think probably we say yes to that, though. Because if it's bankruptcy and litigation, then we will say yes."
Will: "Um, okay. But you should talk to her. If I go talk to her I'll probably end up burying another hooker outside of Chicago in the dead of night."
Diane: "I think you're going to, though. You go find her at the Midwest Bar Association, where she is giving a seminar on dispute resolution."
Will: "Or, as she used to call it, Handjobs Or Homicide, They Both Take The Same Amount Of Time."