WILL STARING @ WAR ROOM ACTIVITIES
Eli: "Weird to be on the outside looking in, huh? I feel that way about humans."
Will: "It's fun to watch lawyers. What do you want?"
Eli: "I wasn't the leak. I can tell you who I think it was..."
Will: "David Lee, duh. Your obsession with him verges on the sexual."
Eli: "That's just how I naturally act."
Will: "It goes both ways, actually. He was in here yesterday telling me it was you. You guys should just make out already."
Eli: "Or else this is just you playing us off each other to keep yourself safe."
Will: "With genius bastards like you constantly on my jock, how could I ever feel safe? Go away."
Alicia: "Hey Diane? Since I have no idea how hardcore you went to bat for me -- and part of your perfection and professionalism is that I never will -- I'd like to take this opportunity to play you off Canning, who just offered me a job."
Diane: "So you're going there, huh? Goddamn it. I mean, I get it, and frankly I'm a little impressed, but you have no idea how uninterested I am right this second in playing this game with you."
Alicia: "I have to buy a house."
Diane: "I made you a first-year associate after fifteen years on the Mommy Track, you asshole."
Alicia: "I thought this was how America works!"
Diane: "Give me until the end of the week to figure something out?"
Alicia: "No! Or yes. Oh, shit. I don't know how to do this at all. I feel like I'm sending a text message or using Skype right now. I wish I could just walk backwards out of this room and make time go backwards and make you stop looking at me."
Diane: "Give me until the end of the week or so help me God, Alicia, you can clean out your desk right now. Go start an Etsy store with Caitlin D'Arcy or whatever you stupid moms do instead of excellence."
Alicia: "...I am certain this is my fault somehow."
This season particularly has been about watching Alicia learn, and learning means fucking up, but man. It is as unpleasant a surprise to watch her duff this shit as it feels to her when she does it. She simply does not understand ratfuck logic, and that horrified face she makes when she screws up is so amazing because: At least if it worked -- if for once it worked -- she'd have that victory to ameliorate the pain of changing shape. But because the show will not give her an inch, which is of course the best thing about the show, we get to see her swallow her foot over and over again. Play Caitlin off Nancy Crozier? Black eye of being a gender traitor! Try to blackmail Diane into a raise? Boom, kidney punch of she already tried, fool, and did the best she could, risked a serious blowup with the contentious equity partners, and you won't ever even know how ungrateful and dumb you look. Finally have no-fault, no-strings, totally okay sex with Will? Bam, your whole life falls apart anyway. It's amazing.