DNC HQ, ASAP
Chicago's one bike courier, apparently the only process server who is working this week, immediately subpoenas Frank Landau himself, on grounds of defamation. Frank has the balls to sigh to himself, as though this isn't exactly the truth.
Will: "Why, Laura Hellinger! How is it over at the SA's office?"
Laura: "You sound sick. You got a cold? Hey, and do you want our civil business?"
Will: "We do constantly best you in all the courts of the land."
Laura: "Yeah, that one time you beat us was really awesome."
Will: "We are flirting. You have no idea it's because I just kissed a girl and I liked it. Atchoo! Also, you are neither my subordinate or my faux-equal partner, so it's like a fun game."
Laura: "I'm unaware of all that, and think you're actually flirting with me. This new job is fun!"
Elsbeth: "Alicia! Boo! I need help. It is an Eli Gold issue."
Alicia: "You know we can't help with that. Especially now that I am an equity partner."
Elsbeth: "You can't help with the federal case, but I just invented a civil case you can help with."
Alicia: "Wait, how did a money-for-votes accusation from the DOJ somehow become..."
Elsbeth: "No, it's both. I'm doing both. No big deal, I'm just suing the head of the DNC."
Alicia: "Oh, is that all?"
Elsbeth: "He defamed. He was defamatory. Toward Eli."
Alicia: "Defamation cases are like, impossible."
Elsbeth: "Oh, we don't want to win. I just want Frank Landau on the stand so I can figure out what he's going to say in federal court."
Alicia: "That is some Elsbeth Tascioni shit right there. Okay, I'm in!"
CIVIL COURT SHAM
Landau's civil attorney is weeeeeird. From her clothes to her hair to her way of speaking, she is very much like Sean Young in Blade Runner.
Alicia: "I am not kidding around, Your Honor! We take this defamation very seriously!"
Nexus-6: "They are nakedly obvious! This is a sham!"
Alicia: "Anything but, Replicant!"
Judge Marx: "Stop screaming at me and let me work this out. You're talking about third-party defamation, correct?"
Alicia: "Yeah. He didn't print the comments, but he said them out loud and knew that people could hear him say this stuff."
Nexus-6: "We move to dismiss with prejudice, Your Honor..."
Perrotti: "No we don't. We want to use this case to further our federal one. And for flirting."
Judge Marx: "I hear you, and I hate you. This is not a federal court, and you have no power here."