Will: "I think I'm just gonna crash and burn, thanks."
Judge Judd is sitting with a pretty young lady, Giada, who happens to know Will from DePaul U. There's a cute "dirty dog" undercurrent to her dealings with Will, how he pretends/actually thinks she was the one that stopped calling him and not the other way around. You know the tale. But Judd's none too happy about that -- clearly in fact thinks he's working some angles with this hopeful young attorney -- and before you know it he's turned his jockish professional ribbing into something much darker.
Hirsch: "Will Gardner? Stay away from him, that guy is the worst!"
Giada: "Haha, right? He's a real bad boy, I'm sure is what you mean."
Hirsch: "I'll say. Disbarred kind of bad boy! Corrupt, liar, bribes judges, steals..."
Will: "Uh, whoa. What?"
Hirsch: "No big deal, kiddo. Just saying that if it were up to me you'd never practice law again in this town. And also you are stupid and ugly. And also, you will never win this case. Your client is an ice-cold bitch who murdered her husband. Actus Reus! I can only assume you wanted a bench trial because a jury would see what stupid bitches y'all are..."
Will: "Are you hearing yourself right now?"
Hirsch: "Nar nou nearing nourself nightnerrrr? Fuckin' jerk."
Will: "Wow, okay. Nice catching up -- and you, Judd Hirsch, are a beautiful force of nature -- but I gotta go freak the hell out now."
Diane: "...For real? That is mighty fucked up."
Will: "I know, right? Like he actually said that shit."
Diane: "Well. As a woman making it in a man's world, I often..."
Will: "You're gonna say he was just drunk. And I'm gonna say, that just means what he said goes double. That's how drunk works."
Diane: "So what, recusal? You'll turn him against you. We'll have all the judges in Chicago up our asses. Again!"
Will: "Yeah, but when we win the case Nathan Lane will go away. Freedom and the 27th floor. Come on. That's where we keep our magical rainbow gold."
Diane: "You've convinced me. Go sacrifice yourself to this douche's ego. But have Cary make the actual motion."
Will: "Or how about Alicia?"
Diane: "Don't make me tell you again."
Will: "No, it's not your new Cary kick you're on. I think that Hirsch just likes the ladies. Slash hates them, like those guys always do."