Will: "The fact that I was arguing against you in his court would probably set him straight on that. I am not actually disbarred, no."
Laura: "But you embezzled from a client, yes?"
Will: "I put it all back!"
Laura: "So can you really say he's wrong in characterizing you as a 'thief' and a 'liar'?"
Diane: "Your Honor, it doesn't matter whether my partner is factually a thief or a liar -- we all know those things are true -- but what they say about Hirsch's mindset."
Will: "Um, thanks?"
Hirsch sees his opening, and gets Laura to put him on the stand. Part of what makes this intense is that, from Hirsch's privileged "I know the truth" position, he thinks this whole thing is a joke where they're just trying to get a mistrial. Like, he believes that they believe what he believes -- Pilates Lady did it, because women are bitches -- and he believes they believe what he believes: That he's still capable of being fair and impartial despite the fact that every word they're saying is true.
Laura: "Hey, did you call him a thief and a liar and all that stuff?"
Hirsch: "No way!"
Will: "Oh my God, what? You're just lying now?"
Laura: "So why's he saying all this stuff?"
Hirsch: "He didn't like how I kept ruling in your favor, that first day you were such a big girl in court?"
Laura: "That was probably it. Probably that was it, Your Honor. Your Other Honor."
So we need Giada, who witnessed it. Which honestly, isn't that the first thing you would do? She was the only other person there. That was true before he started openly lying in the hearing. I mean, obviously she was there working on her cronyism and buttering up the old hack, so this could be about to get super gross, but still.
Will: "Just to reiterate, I'm not the one who flaked on you, romantically."
Giada: "Just to reiterate, that's a game you should really play carefully."
They discuss their hard luck -- her family's fortunes have been obliterated -- and then she just pretty much invites him over to have sex with her. I mean, she's talking about ethanol the entire time, but what they are really talking about is sex. I have cracked your grownup code, you guys.
Eli: "Why don't you read your emails?"
Alicia: "Fuck off, you hysterical little goblin. I just don't read your emails, because I know you'll come crawling out of whatever sewer grate is nearest me if you have to."