Cary: "You're evil, but that makes sense, I guess. Hey, why are you talking to me again after last time?"
Dad: "Because I love you, Charlie Brown! Hey, you know what would be fun? Why don't you just place-kick this football real quick."
Eli: "Congratulations! Oh, you can't hear me because it's erupted into a blowout at campaign headquarters? Then let me just take this very appropriate moment to once again argue for the immediate firing of Jordan Karahalios. What's that? No, just barely not a dick move since we're moving past the primary now and it would make sense... Oh, okay. No, it's okay. No, I should go. You too."
Jordan: "Yay! Let's hug, Eli! It's going to be so fun!"
Eli: "I guess so. I guess so, you little shit."
Jordan: "But hey, can we talk about Nisa Dalmar real quick?"
Eli, verbatim: "I know, she's black! It's all fine..."
Jordan: "The fuck? No. God... No, Eli. Look at this Instagram she tweeted today, of Zach with her family. Who are sartorially Islammed all to hell."
Eli: "So she's a two-fer, great. Maddie Hayward can suck right on that, in self-righteous millionaire loser misery..."
Jordan: "No, still not it. Since he was at this family dinner to celebrate Milad-un-Nabi, the Prophet's birthday, you're right. I got a little weirded out. Not proud of it, but I did. Her dad totally donated to a Hamas charity organization called Mouharib Mousalim..."
Eli: "When? Please tell me this shit went down since Peter hired you."
Jordan: "No such. His last donation was in 2008. In October 2012, however, the Treasury put Mouharib Mousalim on their watchlist for terror affiliations*. So..."
I've never been so proud, it's like this whole time Nisa's been out of the picture she's been storing up as many storylines as possible: Boom! Your girlfriend's also Muslim! Pow! She tweets pictures of you with her in hijab! Crack! Her dad donated to the wrong Hamas charity! Yow! Congrats to your dad for winning the primary! Shazam! Here comes a clusterfuck! Lisa Bonet ate no basil!
Eli: "So I guess you're a valuable member of this team, for today. Since I don't want to deal with this, I definitely want to set you up for failure, my name can't be on anything having to do with Hamas, and my literal only other weaknesses are race relations, religious stuff and kids."