The second Caitlin stopped being her enemy, Alicia became her mentor again. The thread isn't unbroken yet. And if I know Alicia, she's going to go to Caitlin, and she's going to talk to her. She's not going to pull out all the stops, she's not going to try her own biography. She's going to talk to her the way Alicia talks to people, which is to say she's going to listen. And if I know Caitlin, she's going to explain it, and they're going to agree. And they'll both change shape again.
(There ensues a long, perfectly gross discussion of whether ejaculate is a "gift" and whether semen is "abandoned property" and whether -- even if the turkey-baster thing is true, which it seems like it is, which is worse somehow -- contraceptive fraud is at issue. Judge Bebe Neuwirth allows them to make the argument, with disgust noted, and reminds them that the burden of proof remains on Mr. Sweeney for this claim. Which is still a long way from boxing out Gerald Drescher as CEO of Herald Equity.)
SWIFT TESTIMONY #2
Isobel: "Yeah, Gerald paid me for my job. I didn't check the origin of the payments, just cashed the checks."
Caitlin: "Without any expectation of a quid pro quo?"
Isobel: "I'm just a porn star, I don't know your fancy talk."
Caitlin: "Right. No trade-offs, no further expectations?"
Caitlin: "And your testimony, Isobel -- Ms. Swift -- has been that you had consensual sex with my client, which resulted in the child."
Ms. Swift: "Yes."
Caitlin: "Okay then how come you took this class on artificial insemination at the Kenwood Learning Center in February 2008, right before the blowjobs started?"
Ms. Swift: "..."
Caitlin: "Do you need a moment, Ms. Swift?"
Alicia: "My God, she's magnificent. Lockhart and Associates desperately needs this litigatory light among our ranks."
Ms. Swift: "Um..."
Caitlin: "And did you ask the teacher of that class how long sperm could survive in a turkey baster?"
Ellis: "Objection! Hearsay!"
Judge Bebe: "No, she did it right. She didn't ask what the teacher said, just whether she asked the question."
Ms. Swift: "I have no idea. I don't remember."
Ellis: "Per Alicia's earlier conversation in this episode, I am going to say these specific words. Ms. Swift, for the record, you never had any quid pro quo with -- or, trade-offs -- with Mr. Drescher?"
Ms. Swift: "No, I never did."
Ellis: "Thank you, moving on..."
Ms. Swift: "...And I gotta say this, now that you're calling me a liar! I never asked nobody about a turkey baster!"
Ellis: "...Oh dear."
Judge Bebe: "Counselor?"
Ellis: "Actually, Your Honor, pursuant to the Code of Professional Responsibility, I have no further questions."