The Good Wife
Marthas & Caitlins

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A
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True South

Alicia: "You're right, but I can't agree with that, so let's change train tracks. I am not paying her to be your friend, but your tutor. Therefore, her fondness for you is unprofessional. I could take her to babysitter court and she could be fined in imaginary babysitter money and they could take away her tutoring license in the state of Illinois. That is a real thing."
Grace: "Um, no it isn't. And also, I have no friends. Were you unaware of the fact that I am lonely and weird and friendless? Did that somehow slip you by?"
Alicia: "You're winning... Willpower decreasing... Mommy feelings activating..."
Grace, pressing her advantage: "And you're always at work..."

Alicia: "-- Nope! No, see, you fucked that one up. You just lost all momentum when you played that card. And you were so close, honey. I'm sorry you're so bad at this, along with everything else. At least emotional manipulation could have seen you through the rougher years, but I'm afraid without that you don't have a whole lot going for you. Good thing you're cute, when you're not making this horrible face you're making. In fact, let's switch tracks again. Since the last three reasons were bullshit and we both pretty much know that, I'm down to my weakest defense -- the idea that filming yourself dancing will somehow endanger you physically. Lots of mayhem out on those streets and on the El. Lots of things can happen, while you're dancing and having fun like a totally normal teenager."

Grace: "That is the most bullshitty reason yet."
Alicia: "Well, I can't tell you my real reason -- which is that she's the first person I met who is more off-putting than you are -- so I will just retreat to the pathetic non-reason that all exhausted parents use when they're too tired to respect their children as people. I say you can't, because I am the mom and you do what I say."
Grace: "I don't even know what we're talking about anymore."
Alicia: "I still don't understand this concept of having friends and making art. Are you trying to learn a useful skill or trade? Because I can pay for dance lessons..."

Grace: "It is not about dance lessons! It is about how this girl is totally weird and I think that is awesome and she likes me which is also awesome and putting art on the Internet is a good way to express yourself without the risk of social reprisal because it's through a mediating technology and I'm really self-conscious which is why I like the Internet and I feel like you have these standards for my friends that are bogus and have nothing to do with me and then I feel like I'm displeasing or disappointing you just by liking what I like because it's always, 'Oh, she's a lesbian or a Christian or something,' or, 'Oh, stop joining a cult on the Internet,' or, 'Oh, she's too nerdy and she's a grown woman.' I AM A DORK, MOM. I HAVE DORKY FRIENDS AND WE DO DORKY SHIT AND WE HOPE TO MEET MORE DORKS. ACCEPT IT."

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The Good Wife

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