DAVID LEE FLIPS OUT:
David Lee: "[Flips out.]"
Alicia: "Um, you said I could pick who I wanted. Also, did you not see our colleague sitting right here? The one from outside the firm? The one I really need to believe I'm in a position of strength in this firm so she doesn't come after me with her laser craziness?"
David Lee: "[Flips the hell out.]"
Alicia: "Your niece is good. Good lawyer on paper, good in an interview. She'll find a great job immediately."
David Lee: "[Flips out so bad.]"
Alicia: "I'm pretty sure that's actually the definition of nepotism..."
David Lee: "-- GRRAHH! Don't you dare cross me again! You are a third-year associate, you maggot. You were given this task because you are unimportant, and you can take a fucking hint. So take the hint, or I will pull your heart out of your chest and feed it to you while children scream!"
David Lee and his infernal Bluetooth abruptly vanish back into the Hell portal and all that's left is like wisps of smoke and the smell of sulfur and thunder in the distance and Celeste is all, "What happens right now is that we are going to go get a drink right now," and Alicia's like, "You might have to carry me to where the liquor is, but oh yeah."
WHERE THE LIQUOR IS
Celeste: "You know the best revenge?"
Alicia, for real: "Hide his Bluetooth?"
It's a funny line, as written, but even funnier to imagine that this is literally the most awful thing Alicia Florrick could do to a person, like, "You know what would really get his goat? If we bought all the Dr Peppers out of the machines on our floor, before he gets to work tomorrow. Dr Pepper's his favorite, he'll blow his top! It'll be a scream!"
Celeste: "Hire his niece, and then make her life hell."
Alicia: "That is actually a very good plan."
Celeste: "Like you would ever do that."
Alicia: "I would totally do that. I do complicated mean schemes all the time. I am not a good person."
Celeste: "Please. You obviously are. You're cool. I just don't like women, they're boring."
Alicia: "(Drunk pseudofeminist hackles raised, as though that sentiment carries any weight whatsoever beyond "Check out my transparent neurosis," which she immediately explains.)
Celeste: "I don't like women. They're all competing with me."
Alicia: "Don't men compete with you?"
Celeste: "Not really."