Will: "And hey, if you were feeling paranoid about Celeste, I just wanted to tell you that you should be feeling totally paranoid about Celeste. That bitch is gunning for you."
Alicia: "I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't really react to things."
Will, waving at Crazypants: "I don't know if you've noticed, but it is killing me."
David Lee: "So we can't use 'Cole divorce' as our cover word anymore, because I actually have a Cole divorce."
Alicia: "No big. Turns out constantly fucking Will has really taken the edge off."
David Lee: "You're 'separated,' meaning your marriage is on life support and you're too weak and dumb to pull the plug. Let me lay down some science on you. Nobody who ever 'separated' ever once got back together, in the history of life on this planet. It's just something dumb housewives like you say instead of contemplating the cold abyss of your lonely existence."
Alicia: "It's always nice talking to you, David Lee."
David Lee: "It's always nice reminding you that I'm the only person in this entire firm who is at least upfront with you about your value as a spurned wife and a Florrick."
Alicia: "True enough. Not even Eli can say that shit out loud most of the time."
David Lee: "Also, don't put your kids in private school."
Alicia: "Don't tell me what to do with my kids, David Lee. My daughter is a trainwreck and I need to get her away from the Internet, before she does a dance."
David Lee: "That's cute that you think I give a shit about you. No, I'm saying don't put them into private school unless you make Peter pay for half of it. You have to create a fiction on paper that you can't afford it, or else he will make you pay him alimony."
Alicia: "I have forgotten how family law works, or how money works, and apparently believe that life is the Honor System today. Also, stop planning for a divorce that is obviously going to happen."
David Lee: "Okay, small words. Peter is going to be pissed when you divorce him, because you are key to his political success and because he will have jumped through about fifty billion hoops, including the Jesus hoop, in order to make sure you don't leave him. When it comes down to it, he is going to sue you for everything. Things you didn't even know were possible. Don't blame me, it's the goddamn feminists. He is going to sue you in the face. As your lawyer, it's my entire job to think about these things. It is your job as a client to do what I tell you. Cool?"
Alicia: "Sure, whatever. I live in a fantasy land about all this stuff because I can't actually contemplate the fact that I'm having an affair or I will break apart into a million pieces and go crazy. And if that happens, I will take every single one of you down with me. So I suggest you follow my side-eye and segue awkwardly into the next scene, where Eli is even now discussing Peter's future political plans. I like to think of his career as insurance against getting any blowback or reprisal for my shocking actions of late."
David Lee: "Well, I guess in a narrative world where the DNC would even pretend to think about having an ex-con philanderer as their convention keynote in an election year, perhaps that is not so insane as it sounds."