When a paralegal brings sexual harassment charges against pretty much the entire cast of the show, Viola Walsh is able to vent her spleen about Diane's impending Judgeship. The case of the week is funny and weird -- Cary's jerkoff gesture becomes an imposing sexual assault, Howard Lyman is disgusting in amazing new ways -- but eventually Elsbeth Tascioni (!) is able to take the whole case apart, when we learn that the only person who's actually had inappropriate contact with her was Kalinda, and it wasn't actually "inappropriate" so much as it was Sex Christmas, because it's Kalinda so of course that's how that case would end.
But it occasions a sweetly cheeky conversation about Will and Alicia's sexual history, which increases our feeling of foreboding just as much as it soothes Alicia's wracked nerves, because you know any time Will is allowed to be happy something horrible is about to happen. And it does: By episode's end, Diane is forced to tell him exactly what is about to happen with Florrick/Agos, breaking his heart and leaving him with absolutely nobody he can count on.
How did she get there, when nobody else has despite David Lee's Cassandra-like wailing about it all season? Well, she starts the day celebrating her freedom with Kurt McVeigh at an outdoor shooting range and they are perfect together, obviously; some of her uber-liberal friends surprise them at lunch and are immediately horrified by his Palin-worshipping, gun-nut ways, causing a well-meaning intervention later in the day. While she blows them off, of course, one piece of advice sticks with her: That romance is all well and good, but you never know the truth about love until it's tested outside the eponymous bubble.
She demands a night out with his friends, to broaden their circle, and while she's expecting honky-tonk good ol' boys she's shocked to find herself in the company of Kurt's usual bevy of sexy, conservative co-eds. While she momentarily wavers about their quick-turnaround wedding, in the end she does show up -- looking like a fashion spread, of course, and handed two perfect lilies -- and they are married at the courthouse. And all through these proceedings, she has to keep showing up at her former firm in order to testify (fiercely, awesomely) in this bullshitty harassment suit.
After a client -- played by Kima from The Wire -- tips her hand, Diane has to actually process the part about Alicia being part of the mutiny, and when Will gives her several of her shorter-term clients as a good-faith gesture, she gets proof of the entire plot, as well as Alicia's part in it.
(Meanwhile, Jackie and Eli are back on each other's nerves, which ends up creating problems that solve themselves when a labor dispute over Peter's nominal support for Scott Walker's bullshit means Jackie has to use her wiles on Dan Lauria.)
After putting together all the clues -- including some shenanigans by one of the fourth-years, intent on sabotaging the firm on his sleazy way out -- Diane catches Alicia in the act of stealing files, and reports the whole ugly mess to Will Gardner. Which is devastating, obviously -- and what a crazy way to end the episode! I love this season so, so much.
Next Week: Josh Charles will make you cry within the first two minutes. Trust me. Do not miss it.
The fourth-years are on their way out, with about a week to go before they start their new firm. A drastic misstep in Diane's campaign to lock down her State Supreme Court judgeship led to a hostile exit and some surprisingly desperate moves from her former partner will. Also, way back in Season One, Kima from The Wire played a lady whose babysitter got murdered and Cary, who was on shrooms at the time, helped Diane and Kalinda sort it out.
CHRISSY THE PARALEGAL
Walks through the office, weathering the slings and arrows of the characteristically aggressive David Lee, the technologically helpless (and always horrible) Howard Lyman, the curt but fair-minded leadership of Will Gardner, and the typically dismissive thanks of Cary Agos, who takes the coffees out of her hands and shuts the door in her face in one elegant move. By the time she gets to Alicia, in her trip down the hall, she'd be grateful for a little advice, but Alicia is on her way to the secret Florrick/Agos meeting she just left, and has no time for anything but a generally tender and vague expression of concern.
Chrissy: "What's wrong? I guess nothing, I'm just... It's hard!"
Alicia: "I know, but it's good experience, and when you pass the Bar you'll have so many connections... Anyway, I'll be free later if you need more Alicia Time."
Chrissy: "Nope, I figured it out."
Alicia: "Figured what out?"
Chrissy: "Don't worry about it."
Alicia: "Okay, that was my plan anyway."
Rando: "We can't get the files we need!"
Alicia: "You should button that lip anyways. Why are we talking here?"
Cary: "Just pretend we're discussing the Zimbalist deposition."
Rando: "There's some kind of firewall or something blocking us."
Carey: "David Lee, clearly. He always knows what's going on and he is only ever evil."
Alicia: "Look, when we leave they're coming with us, right? So then the files will belong to us, as their lawyers."
Carey: "Think like a jerk, Alicia. L/G will delay that forever and make us look stupid."
Somebody describes it as "stealing clients"; nobody is less interested in that wording than Alicia herself, but they all jump on him like he said Beetlejuice. As if the words matter: Either way, they're going to make enemies of the whole firm.