The Good Wife
Pants On Fire

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 3 USERS: A+
The Alford Doctrine


Cary: "Peter, this is about making Childs look bad, if nothing else. Think of it this way."
Peter: "I think of it like, that girl's family deserves justice and I promised it to them. Offer a plea."

Even worse. So Cary works the angle of his adorableness, but Peter is for real: They need it off their desk, and he wants everybody to sign off. Cary runs away as Peter gets the call from Alicia...


Alicia: "She said she wanted it for you and the kids -- I'm leaving out the part where she wants to go full Oedipus on you, for now -- and it's like, I'm not trying to box you out, I'm just weirded out by the fact that it would be the whole family, minus me, in the house without me in it."
Peter: "You mean exactly the same thing as you were thinking when you nearly bought it."
Alicia: "No, um... Actually, yeah. You're right. I am being a dick. Sorry, that's very valid. But on the other hand, your mom's being an asshole."
Peter: "That part we can agree on. Stay tuned, because I might finally outgrow her in this episode."

Alicia walks into her office, pretty sure Peter's being optimistic on that one, to find Mike Kresteva hanging from the ceiling like a motherfucking bat, because he is the worst.

Mike Kresteva: "How's your three little girls going on? What's it like being a defense lawyer, when you have such a righteous fucking bone to pick with everybody all the time?"
Alicia: "I handle it with great delicacy, motherfucker. And goddamn poise."
Mike: "I like you, Alicia. I do. I want to wear your face on my head like a hat."
Alicia: "These little conversations of ours tend to make me feel like Colin Sweeney about to go apeshit on a prostitute, so why don't you just tell me the horrible thing that's about to happen and we can do that, instead of small talk? I only say about twelve hundred words a day, and you're burning 'em like peak oil right now."

Mike: "Right, well. Remember how you ruined the delicate web of institutionalized white male power when you brought doubt into the world of our Blue Ribbon Panel, and then I told you that your choices were Justice or Screwing Peter, and you chose..."
Alicia: "To recuse myself, yes."
Mike: "Well, you were so persuasive and inspiring that we ended up going with Screw Peter, and I thought I'd dick you around some more and give you the opportunity to double down on your hypocrisy, write a minority report defending him."

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The Good Wife




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