Maddie Hayward: "Blahdow! What's up, Homegirl?"
Alicia: "Oh. Hey, Maddie."
Maddie Hayward: "What's goin' on, Friendo? What's the haps, Sistagirl?"
Alicia: "Look, I'm really busy, so..."
Maddie Hayward: "Are you saying we're not best friends?"
Alicia: "It would really be out of character for me to say that. Let's stick with 'What the hell do you even want?'"
Maddie Hayward: "I just wanted to tell you something super messed up!"
Alicia: "Let me guess, you're running for..."
Maddie Hayward: "-- I'm running for Governor of Illinois! Jinx, we're besties!"
Alicia: "Ugh, whatever. I was over this shit before you even walked in. Good luck with your campaign, dickhead."
Maddie Hayward: "Okay, well you're the first person I wanted to tell, because I am insane. Gotta go! Great seeing you! I feel like we're sisters! Don't you?"
Alicia: "I... God, sure. Fine."
Maddie Hayward: "Hit me up on the flippity-flip!"
Alicia: "Worst. Lesbian affair. Ever."
Eli: "Why Alicia, what a pleasant..."
Alicia: "Maddie Hayward just came to my fucking office to tell me she's running against Peter. She says she knows the Synch story is a lie, but that won't matter to women. So she wants to represent women now that Peter can't."
Eli: "Yeah, or the timing of this is crazy suspicious and she was fucking with you by being your only woman friend, your secret Kryptonite."
Alicia: "Eli, if I even think about that I'll probably kill myself. Do you even know how bad I miss Kalinda?"
Eli: "Well, seriously thank you so much for telling me this so quickly..."
Alicia: "Also, we were very drunk together very many times, and I may have told her -- as my best friend, you understand -- some less than flattering things about my..."
Eli: "If you say the name Will Gardner to me right now I will punch you in the nuts."
Alicia: "God, no. Gross, Eli, why are you like so obsessed with that? No, just things like how I feel about Peter, about being in the public eye. About issues I think he's weak on. Oh, and like campaign strategies, old Grand Jury testimony, the history of every case he ever prosecuted as State's Attorney, the thing about the cops funneling drug money... You know, just girlfriend stuff."
Eli: "I'm gonna need to fully debrief you like whoa."
Alicia: "I know, that's why I came here instead of just 'phoning' you."