The less-than-one percent of real-life sexual assaults committed by women against men notwithstanding -- and cry me a river -- will never make two genders the same thing, it's a ridiculous way to try and tout equality, and you're not being progressive when you scream about it on the internet. Just naïve and silly and trivializing actual abuse because you're too busy trying to win the social justice game by finding something new and interesting and hypothetical to be outraged about. Rape is a male offense, committed against both men and women, and you're in dangerous trouble when you do the math wrong simply because you are a child. Or a lawyer representing a private security firm full of rapists, I guess.

Which, whatever. Go be an otherkin, I don't care. But the reason that it's upsetting is that it's the same privilege and nonsense warping of obvious concepts that's playing out here: Were you scared enough? Were you almost getting raped long enough without any breaks to where you were just kind of almost getting raped? Was this rape legit?

CAMPAIGN

Mandy Post: "ARGH! DAMN YOU ELI GOLD!"
Eli, verbatim: "Get in line."
Mandy Post: "I got fired! You sicced K Chen on me like an attack dog, and I got fired!"
Eli: "I kind of almost feel bad for you. But also fuck off, 'kay?"

Cristian: "They say dancing the mambo is like talking to angels!"
Jackie: "Oh, you kidder!"
Peter: "What. The Fuck. Is Going On. Over Here."
Jackie: "Oh, you were so right, Peter. I just had to give him a chance. Cristian is fabulous today!"
Peter: "Sigh. Cristian is fabulous today."

Jackie, swanning out of there: "Good eeeeevening, Mr. Gold!"
Eli: "Oh my God! That is amazing!"
Peter: "..."
Eli: "What. She's happy."
Peter: "Fuckin' I'll say."
Eli: "Listen, whatever keeps her off my ass."