The Honorable Very Jewish & Also Thinks He Is Down With The Sickness Presiding.
Cary: "This is a hate crime!"
Judge: "Bro, have you ever been in a street fight?"
Cary: "No, I clearly have not."
Judge: "Let me tell you that it changes a man."
Tired Bailiff: "Oh, here we go."
Months later, after the Judge and the mean and very windy streets of Chicago have explained a few things about a few things, Alicia finally arrives to apologize to Jimal for not being there during the opening of his hate crime trial.
Cary: "It was a hate crime because Jimal assaulted somebody for being Jewish."
Alicia: "Well, and -- based on the nothing that I know about this case, because I took my time staring at Will's empty office slash behind and then extra time to sass Eli Gold and just got here -- I'm going to go ahead and say that Jimal was attacked because he was Palestinian."
Cary: "That's the funny thing about a race riot. Nobody has a valid point, which means everybody kind of has a point."
Alicia: "Your Honor, there were twenty students fighting, and only one kid was charged. One Muslim kid."
Cary: "[Whining. But come on, as if this was really what he was after.]"
Judge: "Okay, I'm setting a low bond and telling the State to reconsider the charge that they brought because of how it is ludicrous. So ludicrous in fact that this could all be some kind of legal red herring none of us will see coming."
Cary: "Oh, we will, Your Honor. Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Alicia: "Jimal, I'm sorry I wasn't here before this went down, but trust me, you have friends in very high places. Very sexy, very rich benefactors. So are you cool?"
Jimal: "I'm cool mostly, except I didn't do any of these things. It's embarrassing. I'm not the rioting sort."
Alicia: "Cary is trying to get you to accept a higher plea, by setting the bar at bogus hate crime to scare you. The Judge is already on your side with that, though, so we should be fine unless even this is just another level to Cary Inception-level games-within-games and actually this is about getting you to set yourself up for another crime entirely."
Jimal: "Mostly I'm just embarrassed. Also, I was not at the rally."
Alicia: "Cary, you hot little shit. What is really going on? Because Jimal wasn't even at the riot."
Cary: "Oh, really? What a mixup!"
Alicia: "...You are totally trying to get him to say that he killed that boy across campus!"
Cary: "Actually we have a witness that says Jimal started the riot."
Alicia: "A white one?"
Cary: "That feels racist when you say that."
Alicia: "No, cross-racial identification. Like remember how Kalinda can't tell white people apart? It comes up constantly on this show? Like that."
Cary: "Ah yes. Kalinda can't tell white people apart, I remember that now. Boy was she steamed when she found that out about herself. Okay, six months and a year of probation."
Alicia: "For which of the three crimes he did not do are you offering this? Get lost. Also, tell my so-called husband to stop pandering to the Jewry with this anti-Muslim crap."
Cary: "See, that definitely sounded racist."
Alicia: "This episode has a heightened racial tension. Eventually everything will sound and feel racist. Even just some poor autistic girl doing a dance."