Alicia: "Eli, look. I have a husband who believes in God. I have a daughter who believes in whatever makes her look dorkiest, which right now is Jesus Camp God..."
Eli: "Good, this is good stuff. What about Zach?"
Alicia: "I don't know, he's cool enough to keep that shit to himself. If you're asking whether I believe in God, no."
Eli: "What I'm hearing is a strong maybe."
Alicia: "No, what you're hearing is that I don't believe in God."
Eli: "Okay what if Jesus showed up here in your office..."
Alicia: "No, Eli."
Eli: "What if he performed a miracle!?"
Alicia: "What if... Yeah, sure. Fine, whatever. You've managed to miss the entire point of religion, but that's nothing new in this conversation."
Eli: "You're spiritual. You're a seeker for truth."
Alicia: "I am having the worst day. You are just... This is awful. Everything is the worst."
Eli: "Voters hate atheists. Mostly because they are obnoxious bores, but we like to think it has to do with their lack of belief in God. So all you have to do is appear open-minded..."
Alicia: "I can do that. Whatever you want to get out of my office, I will do it."
Eli: "I want you to be St. Alicia. Remember her? St. Alicia can't be an atheist!"
Alicia: "So to review. Will and Diane negotiated in good faith, Cary is as deserving as I am, and God might exist. Any other obvious falsehoods I need to take onboard for today?"
Eli: "No, we're good. Hey, listen. Your thoughts on Jordan?"
Alicia: "Kinda awkward."
Eli: "Could you tell Peter that?"
Alicia: "Just get out, mister."
For the record, I've never believed in God but I really don't think that's the point. The atheism/religion conversation in this country comes down to several idiotic axioms that don't impress me at all -- that you judge a faith based on the people that practice it, that you need other people's validation to confirm your own beliefs -- but this one annoys me the most, because it is literally beside the point. You can drive north forever, you're never going to get east.
Dumb Religious Person: "Santa Claus does exist!"
Dumb Awful Atheist: "Santa Claus doesn't exist!"
The point was never whether Santa Claus existed; if Santa Claus existed it wouldn't be a matter of faith. You can't put Godric Gryffindor's sword in Ravenclaw because that's not where it goes, just like your foot can't feel sadness and your dick can't sing a song. Which is why the billions of rational people of faith -- all faiths, not just Christianity -- know to shut the fuck up about it. It's just not a fight worth having. And in all that yelling, have you ever once changed somebody's mind? No, because that's not what it's about. It's about being better than everybody else. Religion causes wars the same way video games cause school shootings.