Jordan shows Eli a video of Maddie Hayward resolutely not bowing her head during a prayer; as usual, his mellifluous voice makes it pretty hard to follow the fight.
Eli: "This ain't the South. Nobody cares about Jesus in Chicago."
Jordan, brilliant Jordan: "She's being rude. This is about rudeness. Also about a woman not bowing her head."
Alicia: "Hey guys! Where's Peter? Mama's feeling frisky! Frisky with news!"
Eli: "He's downstate. Political things are afoot in this political campaign."
Jordan, wonderful Jordan: "Hello, I'm Jordan Karahalios. I am effortlessly amazing."
Alicia: "Whatever! I am on a tear today!"
Eli: "Hey Alicia, does Maddie Hayward believe in God at all?"
Alicia: "This sounds creepy. I'm not doing this, today is my day."
Eli: "She is constantly using stuff you told her in confidence."
Alicia: "Yeah, but I'm better than her... Oh wait, you know what? She's an atheist. I do remember her saying that."
Eli: "For real?"
Alicia, verbatim: "It's not that weird, Eli."
Eli: "No, I know. Just thanks."
He pats her on the shoulder and it is so freaky!
Alicia: "Please don't get all David Lee on me, David Lee. This is my day. I went shopping! I spent money on stuff I didn't even need!"
David Lee: "Yes, I heard about the partner thing. Congratulations."
Alicia: "Feel free to stop there..."
David Lee: "-- Sooo anyway, you know about the capital contribution? I talk about it in pretty much episode. $300K up front, $300K plus interest out of your next several bonuses. Now, will you be paying with cash or a check?"
Alicia: "Fucking six hundred grand? This gift horse gots some serious dental issues. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to go return everything I ever bought in my life."
Oh, girl. And you know it just gets worse from here, I can feel it.
Will: "Speaking of people getting screwed professionally by this Trustee thing, Kalinda, please don't bother me right now about your raise. Just give us like five months."
Kalinda: "No. I have magic powers, I'm not sitting around for another entire season waiting on the promotion you promised me like a million years ago."
Will: "Did seriously nobody get the memo about how we're bankrupt?"