Old Colin Sweeney's up to his old tricks: This time, he fired a gun during an orgy -- a misdemeanor that could spiral into life-imprisonment if the SA's office is able to extend the trial past a conservative IL Supreme Court decision that Cary figures out is about to come out. Basically, it's a three-strikes situation, so Will and Alicia have to rush through the entire trial in like 48 hours.
Mostly the charm here relates to Colin Sweeney being a pervert, Morena Baccarin's return as his archly gross fiancée, and a lot of very spicy language. If you love Colin Sweeney, and I loooove Colin Sweeney, this was a fun little grody outing. If you are too skeeved out by Colin Sweeney to enjoy Colin Sweeney, I do not blame you at all. In fact, this episode is the closest he's ever come to losing me, and that's really just because I don't like Laura Hellinger getting objectified.
Cary and Robyn Burdine are kind of the Kalinda this week, in a neat twist: As recompense for seeing Alicia move into her monumental new office, Diane asks him to interview new associates. One of them, a sexy/smarmy law clerk, ends up being the twist who tells them about the Supreme Court secrets -- first by way of interview braggadocio and then when Robyn Burdine, who by the way is a crazy person, flirts the rest out of him.
The guy's incredible, for being such a small part, and the whole story gives Robyn Burdine and Cary a lot of room to play. I think probably that was the best part of the episode, just watching Cary deal with Robyn and Robyn deal with the guy. Very funny, almost broad comedy, but with a wit and a sweetness to it that the show's really bringing back lately.
Also pretty great -- and a rare treat -- was the emphasis on Diane's personal storyline. She hires Kalinda to vet her for this judgeship, resulting in three revelations: Thanks to her housekeeper's sad extracurricular activities, Diane could be exposed as a fan-fiction writer of The Vampire Diaries Delena porn. Kalinda actually reads some of the housekeeper's steamy fictions, and it's amazing.
The second thing is really sad: Turns out Diane's dad turned in a buddy to HUAC and the guy eventually killed himself -- which rocks Diane, who thought her dad was a perfect liberal, harder than anything I can remember on this show. It's awful, but still not as embarrassing as the first thing.
The third revelation -- that Kurt McVeigh got a little too rowdy on-camera at a gun rally -- comes down only after Diane has accidentally proposed marriage, and he's taken it seriously, and now suddenly they're talking about getting married, and of course he's going to get in the way of her career path or whatever... Except that's not the show you're watching, and that's not a choice it would ever force on its women, so instead she says fuck all of that, and reiterates that she would like to marry Kurt as soon as possible. So hot!
After last week's Alicia-centric outing, it was a little funny to see her in the back of the company for most of this episode, but her few scenes -- mostly dealing with having dumped Will slash formally handed him over to Laura Hellinger -- pack a bit of a punch. It's so weird to care about this again after so long, but then: Same could be said of the show.
In Two Weeks, because why not schedule an episode for Easter and then take a break: The lead-up to the finale begins, Peter and Will discuss their feelings for and about Alicia and each other, Anonymous brings a rape trial into the public eye -- which I cannot effing wait to see and talk about -- and "Kalinda becomes suspicious of Robyn," whatever that means. Oh, and the Jason Biggs tech guy that I can't even remember what his deal was because I don't care about tech guys who are not ChumHum because I hate tech guys who are not ChumHum.
Alicia made partner while her husband became the Dem Gube, Diane Lockhart may become a State Supreme Court Justice, Cary and Kalinda possibly slept together, and Will is finally hooking up with Laura Hellinger. From the past we have unrepentant murderer Colin Sweeney, the creepiest creeper to ever crap crepes -- plus his even creepier semen-smuggling girlfriend Isobel -- and Kurt McVeigh, Diane's loveable Teabagger boyfriend.
Alicia: "Wait, this is my office? I thought it was like Biosphere III, or possibly a museum."
Diane: "Keep talking so I can find you in this giant office."
Alicia: "How will I fill up this entire huge space with crap?"
Diane: "Oh, you get ten grand for that and also priceless art whenever you feel like it."
Alicia: "This is all very sudden. Not my uncalled-for promotion, of course, but the infinite coffers you're suddenly dumping at my feet."
Diane: "It has to do with Nathan Lane's austerity measures. Which are now a thing of the past."
Alicia: "Well, okay. As long as everybody gets to benefit."
Diane: "Almost everybody. Except for the ticking timebomb of whiteboy rage we just installed in a spare bathroom haunted by a ghost."
Cary: "Wait, this is my office? I thought it was a torture chamber."
Diane: "Don't worry about that ghost, she only moans and weeps every hour on the hour."
Cary: "Do I at least get a lighter or a cell phone in this coffin?"
Diane: "No but you do get to work for HR for free. Here are a hundred résumés for associates that we will probably promote before you unless you engineer my murder. Pick the one with the most stuff going on that makes them better than you."
Cary: "I can't help feeling like you are actually trying to alienate my affection."
Diane: "Before she became a partner, Alicia made herself valuable by interviewing and hiring a new associate. Also by fucking the next governor of Illinois, but a little bit the first thing. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go become rich and famous and amazing."
Diane: "Kalinda, pass Cary's résumé checks off on Robyn so they can be the best part of the episode. I need you for the other best part of the episode, my slow spiritual dismantling."
Kalinda: "Does this have to do with Peter Florrick?"