Six months ago, Sweeney was accused of disorderly conduct, a Class C misdemeanor, but Hellinger wants it proven that since he fired some old gun at the party -- which was at a place serving alcohol -- it's a Class 4 felony. Presiding is Judge Politi, who is simply wonderful, and was so great in "Je Ne Sais What?" back in January: The sassy one that was like, "Then don't get arrested in the suburbs on a Sunday, dumbass."
Politi: "You two can stop yelling any time and just plead this out and get the hell out of my courtroom. Cool?"
Alicia: "That's totally what we want to do, but Laura's bein' real weird about it for some reasons."
Laura: "Your client is a psychopath who's lucky he didn't get convicted for killing his wife."
Alicia: "No question. But that's nunya."
Laura: "I want the maximum -- six years! For maybe firing a gun that hit nobody!"
Alicia: "You're being real weird."
Laura: "I can't tell you why! But I kind of want to!"
L/G: "After six months they're still not bargaining? This must be about the election. The SA doesn't want to bargain because Mr. Sweeney is so, so awful."
Colin Sweeney: "I'm awful?! j/k."
L/G: "Then we should wait and just see what happens in one month when the gubers have gubered. Cary and Alicia, you guys can leave and go back to your incredibly disparate offices."
Alicia: "I didn't see you here in my gigantic office that has a wildlife exhibit in it and three different time zones and a basketball court. Did you sit in my chairs? Those chairs are new!"
Isobel: "I didn't sit, I merely hover around on a cloud of nastiness. I just wanted to reiterate how much Colin Sweeney loves you."
Alicia: "Why the fuck does everybody keep telling me that? Like it's a good thing and not the worst possible feeling to have."
Isobel: "I would call it the most successful relationship in his life, to be frank."
Alicia: "I want to take a hot shower on the inside of my body where my soul is."
Isobel: "Do you want to know what he says about you in lurid detail?"
Alicia: "No. Just your creepster face is lurid enough. Stop touching my elbow with spider fingers."