If John Benjamin Hickey weren't already the love of my life, I think Neil Gross would seal the deal. Remember him? The hoodie-wearing hippie that fancies himself Zuckerberg and Assange all at once? Man, I love that guy. And his lawyer too, of course. Will's clients: A couple of cute programmer ladies who found their voice recognition software bumped from first-page search results to page 28 on ChumHum, the week after they turned down the option of buying sponsored ads.
Viola Walsh plays a good hand, even after Judge Dominic Chianese reveals his quirk to be "hip and with it on the technological front," and the twists are like this: First they ask for the secret formula to Neil's search ratings, which Viola won't give them because they are a "secret sauce," and so Viola goes to Nathan Lane the Trustee and tries to get him to see what an egomaniac Will Gardner is and how he can never win the case. No dice, because Nathan Lane does not truck with fools.
So then they get the Chancellor of the girls' university to come in and throw down about how the school is entitled to all works, inventions, etc. Except the guy himself has a textbook out, from which the school gets zero out of 100% of income, and then further it turns out that Neil himself is an alum, so technically the school should even own ChumHum based on stuff he said in his autobiography, and all of this nonsense just pisses the judge off, so then Viola yells a lot and Neil makes weird overtures about how secretly he knows Will wants him for a client.
Eventually he buys the girls out after it's revealed that he acquired their main competitor, and puts them to work running it in order to escape the suit. It's all very twisty and fun, and it's so nice to see Will doing so great in a case -- and also looking lovely, he and Cary both looked lovely this week -- and also, of course, to see Neil. I don't think I've ever paid this much attention during the Case of the Week, actually. Time to talk about other things.
So Miriam Shor's character, reporter "Mandy Post," makes Eli think she knows about Alicia's brief time with Will, which causes one of the more touching scenes in recent memory as he tries to talk about this with her without talking about it. Stress! But then pretty soon it's revealed she's actually digging into a possible indiscretion on Peter's side. Kalinda, of course, won't help until Eli specifically explains this is for Alicia's sake, and then instantly figures out that the girl is a lunatic. Like, part of her story is that the Florricks have an open marriage, which cracks Alicia the hell up. So that's fine. So fine, in fact, that after an episode of being pissed at him, she willingly visits him on the campaign bus, in what looks like a sex-type way.
And in Kalinda What Are You Doing news, Kalinda? What is it that you are doing? Because here's what happened this week: After a fight in the kitchen involving eggs, a cast-iron skillet to the head, and multiple knives, Kalinda needs a little chill out, so she goes and visits her stalker girlfriend that is in the FBI, and Nick follows her there, and continues to follow her (Lana? Sophia? I never get it right) to her next date with Kalinda, where he calls his wife a dyke and she punches him out. But next day, when he offers to kill FBI Girl in order to make Kalinda heterosexual again -- which -- she hilariously and proudly notifies him of her FBI status. So deal with that, you whiny little psychopath.
What else. Oh, Diane screams at Nathan Lane for talking to Rita Wilson, and he screams right back at her that she needs to stop being paranoid and watch him save her company, which was neat. Seems like next week one or the other of them reneges on this conversation, though: More screaming. I like how ambiguous and cool he is. I like how ambiguous and cool this show is. I like how awesome this show is. Especially this episode, which was one of the best in a while.
Next Week: Alicia takes the "open marriage" joke straight to Mandy's newspaper bosses and gets more comfortable with both Peter and Eli -- scary, never good -- while Diane continues to rebel against Nathan Lane's firm yet irritating hand.
Peter and Alicia maybe did it? They're doing better than they ever have in the history of this show, anyway. Kalinda is embarrassing herself with a tiny man. The firm is in dire straits financially, but Will's finally back on the other side of that little gate so everything should be fine.
The song we'll be hearing throughout the episode goes, "Can everybody see that I'm on fire? Did they watch you burn this mother down? Please don't rescue me, I'm free to burn as I please -- Just leave me be, don't put me out." Isn't that a nice thing for a song to be about? That makes me very happy. Plus the idea of Alicia saying -- or even hearing somebody say -- "Burn this mother down" makes me very, very happy too.
Miriam Shor's character, journalist Mandy Post -- sure, no problem -- is redlining a story in the middle of their conference with Eli, regarding a story they're doing on Peter. It's a recurring image, but I couldn't tell you why. Maybe just visual bookending. At the end of the episode, Peter's redlining a speech. I don't have a lot of energy to think about all that this week, though. Miriam Shor is like so beguiling to me. I got obsessed with her on Swingtown, which by the way was excellent and she was the best part of it because she is so amazing all the time. Also she was Hedwig's boyfriend that time, which will blow your mind if you think about it during this episode where she is rockin' the side pony and not looking at all like Hedwig's boyfriend or really any boyfriend of any kind.
Mandy: "We're still having trouble contacting the mom for an interview..."
Eli: "Jackie? She's probably circling the building as we speak."
But no, she's talking about Alicia's Mom. Think about that. Alicia and Owen have a Mom. A Mom that made them, like, how they are. You know what I mean? Even Eli is like, "I am not entirely sure we need to go there." But they'll track her down.
Mandy: "Also I want to talk to Will Gardner."
Eli: "Did you say Diane Lockhart? Because yes."
Mandy: "I did not say Diane Lockhart, I said Will Gardner."
Eli: "Did you say Joe DiMaggio? Because he is dead. I'm sorry you had to find out this way."
Mandy: "They went to Georgetown together. They're lawyer colleagues and school chums."
Eli: "I'll see what I can do. And by that I mean, no."
Mandy: "How about an interview with Alicia?"