Eli: "I'm really sorry. I feel like a bad friend talking to you about this."
Alicia: "You are one. If you were searching for yourself on ChumHum it would be like, 'Did you mean totally embarrassing weasel in my office making me feel terrible and also slutty?' And I would have to say yes."
Eli: "Mandy Post wants to talk to you. She says she has a hotel receipt for an 'encounter'..."
Alicia: "Wow, that word bums me out."
Eli: "Yeah, I don't know why I said it like that. How grody. Anyway, did you 'encounter' Will Gardner in the nude on this particular date?"
Alicia: "We were encountering, like, all the time. It's kind of a blur."
Eli: "Alicia, if you are still encountering you need to stop encountering him. Okay? Just until Mandy Post falls down an elevator shaft or goes the way of Kristen Chenoweth."
Alicia: "We are no longer encountering. It was too much pressure because so much things were going on, so I dumped him. And then he got temporarily disbarred, and wrote a book like a crazy person would write. You were obviously not paying attention."
Eli: "Can you tell me exactly when you encountered him for the last time and also what you were wearing and what he smells like on his neck?"
Alicia: "Goodbye, Eli."
She makes it to the elevator before she loses it. The doors close on her, like bars.
Here's a thing that Kalinda will do sometimes: Drink from the tap like a cat. She's like a cat who is a person.
Eli: "Kalinda, where are you? Ever!? Do you not go to work anymore?"
Kalinda: "I am like a cat who is a person, Eli. You cannot tie me down. If I had a cat I would just call it Cat. You can't cage a wild thing, Eli."
Eli: "Shut up and come to work. I need you for a thing..."
Kalinda: "A Peter thing? Sharma OUT."
Nick: "Who did you just hang up on, and who is Peter?"
Kalinda: "You don't get to know that, little mean man."
They crush eggs in their hands and wipe them on each other and try to see who is the bigger bad-ass, which makes them both look pathetic and the opposite of bad-ass. It's sad and I don't care for it... Until she tries to brain him with a cast-iron skillet and they both produce giant knives out of nowhere and start circling each other like a Shark and a Jet. Stay cool, boy!
Nick: "Oh, and also Bill wants to come by. Remember, that guy you beat into a lumpy jelly that time with a giant Tiny Toon Adventures mallet?"