Remember that guy that Reddit was so sure was the Boston bomber and it ruined his life? That's this episode. The wonderful Momo from Nurse Jackie is a college professor who gets pulled into one of those, with all the iffy crowdsourcing and all, and the FBI steps in. That's when "Scabbit" steps in, "proving" in that weird Birther-y way all kinds of untrue things about the client -- and any time Florrick/Agos gets them to snip one thread, another one pops up.
To prove his worth to LG, a quirky/charming Irish lawyer named Damian Boyle leads a posse to steal F/A's furniture -- so mean! -- and do some corporate spying, which brings them into the case as the representatives for the site itself. This after a great deal of infighting regarding Boyle among the partners -- due to his possible Mob ties, and David Lee's general interest in starting shit and bitching all the time -- and a unilateral decision from Will to hire him, based on just the loveliest litigator-crush bromance that will surely end up insane and probably heartbreaking.
Kalinda investigates him at Diane's suspicious request, and eventually gets intrigued enough to let him stay, but only after a lot of crawling around on the furniture like in the good old days when she was always doing that. Less impressed is Alicia, who's so busy anticipating and psychically knowing Will's moves that she barely registers the mysterious Mr. Boyle. David Lee and Lyman get on board with Damian after the spying stuff, and also because anything about net-neutrality also affects the firms' relationships with ChumHum.
Meanwhile, at the Governor's office, Jackie is on fire! Eli's courting a woman named Rachel Keiser (Mary Stuart Masterson!) for Diane's Supreme Court position, which Jackie immediately vetoes: It turns out when she was a clerk, she carried on an affair with Peter's father, "The Judge," and Jackie's both personally upset and protective. Eli brutally cuts her out of the conversation, but Jackie ends up scaring the woman shitless by visiting Rachel's cancer-stricken husband in the hospital: She wins again, and now she owes Eli one extra punch in the mouth.
After a visit from a truly hilarious user named "LotionMyFeet" played by Jamie Harrold -- we learn that the site's being marketed by a social linkbot using quotes about the so-called bomber, meaning that the site itself is subject to an injunction because he lost his job and book deal and whatever. So F/A wins the case, and in the end we find Will and Diane meeting Alicia and Cary at their new firm, to discuss splitting ChumHum. (Which conversation is interrupted by Judge Jeffrey Tambor calling Alicia for coffee, which is absurd and funny enough to end the episode on.)
Next Week: Speaking of everybody being in love with Alicia, the fabulous Kate Hodge appears as Matthew Ashbaugh's widow, contesting a game-changing bequeathal to Guess Who. It's a multiple of five, which means explosions this season, so we also get a Florrick/Agos Christmas Party to christen the new offices. On the guest list? Veronica, Clarke Hayden, The Governor and Eli (and maybe Mitch?), the always-welcome Donna Brazile... And Lemond Bishop. So that should go great.
Florrick/Agos moved into their new digs, Eli and Jackie were at war over her role in state government, and Will has decided to take over the world.
THREE WEEKS IN
Pointing up the level playing field on which F/A is finally starting to play, we begin with two parallel conversations at the two firms in which the differences are more intriguing than the similarities.
F/A is pressed for time finding new clients, rather than fighting LG over the same high-profile accounts, like incestuous siblings. Their philosophy is that there is a whole world out there waiting to be discovered. LG, on the other hand, has two issues to deal with: They need to build up their ranks before they can properly satisfy their current clients, get back recent deserters, or find new avenues -- especially if they want to stay on track with Will's incredibly ambitious plans.
What's interesting is how little F/A cares about sacking the old village, since they're satisfied with what they have. You could say that with ChumHum in their pocket they don't really need to worry about poaching anymore, but I think it's more about looking forward. LG wants to destroy F/A because they have hurt feelings, no matter what dystopic spin Will Gardner puts on it; F/A doesn't want to destroy anybody.
David Lee: "I, for one, do not miss our fourth-years one bit."
Diane: "And yet, we've had to get continuances on eight of our twelve open cases because there's nobody to work them."
Will: "We need at least four litigators with trial experience, stat."
LG: "And to get our clients back! I still have nightmares about ChumHum."
David Lee: "And we need to destroy Florrick/Agos!"
Will: "Stop acting like this is a zero-sum situation. We can do all the things. David Lee, you form a group to bring our clients back home, since you love getting your hands dirty and the rest of us don't. Diane, Kalinda and I will find new lawyers. Creepy ones. Starting right now."
Robyn suggests an office housewarming slash Christmas party, which is a great idea for the above reasons but also because it makes it seem like the rocky mine train ride of the past three weeks was all part of the plan. Kind of like how you don't visit somebody's new house until they put their kitchen curtains up. It's a great idea that will see fruition in next week's multiple-of-five barnstormer. Alicia gets a call.