USDA / L/G
Will: "Yeah? What are you finding out?"
Kalinda: "You're being investigated."
Will: "Heh. But seriously."
Kalinda: "They're using you to get to Bishop, of course. Or at least that was the idea last week. Florrick's SA is a bit of a roundabout free-for-all. Whatever is the opposite of mission creep, that's what he's doing. Mission simultaneity. On the upside, Peter's handing over the job to a special investigator because his daughter is the worst. Probably Cary, because he's mean and hates everyone in this building and uses his white privilege like a weapon."
Will: "Great, that doesn't sound so bad. Can I exhale?"
Amy Sedaris goes running by in a pantsuit, looking wildly insane as usual.
Amy Sedaris: "Miss Sharma, hello!"
Will: "Who was that?"
Kalinda: "No idea, but as a guest star she's kind of a big get. Probably she will be fucking us shortly, in some complicated and possibly frightening fashion. She's wearing a pantsuit, so..."
Will: "Oh that's right, you're in DC working the Cheese lobby. I love storylines on this show about the Cheese lobby. Remember those kids barfing up the walls and screaming in agony? That was so viral."
Kalinda: "Yeah, given that Cheese is like our only client and Eli is the only person billing right now, I'm trying to be helpful. Anyway, you go be happy, exhale, do something nice for somebody. Like if you have any military judges looking for help with a twelve-count murdering druggie, or anything, now's the time."
Will: "Alicia, Captain Hicks, Kalinda just told me to help you so I guess we can help you."
Diane: "For some reason I am here testifying about the USDA food pyramid, which was recently redone to be the shape of a plate. My guess is that I have to start building a relationship with Eli that will continue through the second act of this season, as Will's relationship with Alicia slowly wedges itself into our formerly perfect partnership. Eventually we will come back to each other, as we always do, but before that there will be bloodshed. And when things go to shit, you better have Eli on your side or else you'll be one of the corpses he picks over, crow-like, when the dust settles."
USDA: "We are one of the most evil, stupid jokes ever perpetrated on a willingly obese populace. Basically we're a government-subsidy commodities trader for food lobbies. If we say you're supposed to eat this much corn or processed flour it's because Corn and Wheat paid us to say that. Our corruption kills children regularly, every single day. If you don't send your child to school with a bag lunch, you are complicit in our murder of your child. Money is more important than anything, and the schools have to do what we say. Pizza is a vegetable."