The Hills

Episode Report Card
Kim: B+ | 736 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Not In High School Anymore

Back at the housewarming, Stephen Colletti shows up. I seriously can't stand that dude. My friend Mary thinks he's hot, but I don't get it. He's always bleeping and blooping and he looks like he's fourteen years old. Lo reminds me why I love her when she says to Lauren, "Brody's girlfriend's very pretty with very large breasts." Stephen comes up and hugs the girls.

JB walks in with a short haircut and everyone cheers for him for some reason. He looks TERRIBLE. Just run down and ugh. I mean, the one thing JB had going for him was that he was kind of Johnny Depp type sexy, but now he just looks old. Lauren points him out to Stephen, just as Audrina and JB slip into the guesthouse for a chat. Stephen wants to go meet JB, but Lauren says she doesn't think she's allowed back there.

Audrina tells JB that it caused drama when she told the girls that JB was coming. Actually, Audrina makes it way more dramatic than it actually was, and JB gets all "Fuck the man!" about it for no reason. I think Audrina kind of gets off on dating someone that her friends don't like. And now that her friends are trying to show an interest and support her, she has to turn it into disapproval or else she'll lose interest.

Stephen promises to Lauren that they'll grab dinner later and catch up. And then Lauren and Stephen stare at each other for twenty minutes and Lauren gives him the Eff Me Eyes and Stephen jitters nervously.

The next day, Lauren and Stephanie sit outside and check out some dudes. Stephanie asks about the housewarming party, and then apologizes for not coming, but admits that Spencer and Heidi guilted her into staying away. Lauren tells her about Stephen, and that she's going out to dinner with him tonight.

I need a name for Lauren, Audrina, and Lo's House. LAL House? Lauren waits for Stephen to pick her up, and tells Lo that she's not sure if it's a date or not. Lauren admits that she's excited about it. Stephen picks her up. Lauren is wearing a really pretty (there's that word again!) one-shoulder navy toga style dress. I think it's cute. I wouldn't pay $400 for it or whatever she probably paid, but it looks nice on her.

The Hills

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