The Hills

Episode Report Card
Kim: B+ | Grade It Now!
Not In High School Anymore

Housewarming! They totally have an in-ground pool. The girls prepare for the party with sliced limes and lemons. Audrina says that JB is coming, and Lauren wants to talk about it. Audrina just awkwardly stands there and Lo brightly says that JB might wear his cowboy hat. Audrina just awkwardly stands there some more. To lighten the mood, Lo brings up the fact that Lauren invited Stephen Colletti. Audrina finds her voice again and this time Lauren is the one who doesn't want to talk about it. What is with Audrina's passive-aggressive attitude about JB? Like if she doesn't want her friends to talk shit about him, tell them. She is such a victim.

The party has begun! And Harpo Marx is there! Seriously, there's some dude with a massive blond Afro. Whitney arrives! Aw, we haven't seen Whit in a while. Brody shows up with his new girlfriend, Cora, and Frankie. Brody introduces her to Lauren, and Lauren is all fake smiles.

Stephanie specifically goes over to Heidi's apartment to tell her that she's going to Lauren's housewarming party. Why go over there first? TV drama. Stephanie says that she felt guilty about it but she thought Heidi would be okay with it. Heidi pulls a total Spencer and claims that Stephanie only feels guilty because she knows she's doing something wrong. I'm still rooting for the She-Pratt to totally pull a double-cross. Heidi gives Stephanie the same "loyalty" speech that Spencer just gave her. Stephanie is all dejected and mumbles something about middle school and then says that she won't go if it means that much to Heidi. So they decide to watch a movie. BORING!

Back at the housewarming, Stephen Colletti shows up. I seriously can't stand that dude. My friend Mary thinks he's hot, but I don't get it. He's always bleeping and blooping and he looks like he's fourteen years old. Lo reminds me why I love her when she says to Lauren, "Brody's girlfriend's very pretty with very large breasts." Stephen comes up and hugs the girls.

JB walks in with a short haircut and everyone cheers for him for some reason. He looks TERRIBLE. Just run down and ugh. I mean, the one thing JB had going for him was that he was kind of Johnny Depp type sexy, but now he just looks old. Lauren points him out to Stephen, just as Audrina and JB slip into the guesthouse for a chat. Stephen wants to go meet JB, but Lauren says she doesn't think she's allowed back there.

Audrina tells JB that it caused drama when she told the girls that JB was coming. Actually, Audrina makes it way more dramatic than it actually was, and JB gets all "Fuck the man!" about it for no reason. I think Audrina kind of gets off on dating someone that her friends don't like. And now that her friends are trying to show an interest and support her, she has to turn it into disapproval or else she'll lose interest.

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The Hills




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