The Hills

Episode Report Card
Kim: B+ | Grade It Now!
Not In High School Anymore

Stephen promises to Lauren that they'll grab dinner later and catch up. And then Lauren and Stephen stare at each other for twenty minutes and Lauren gives him the Eff Me Eyes and Stephen jitters nervously.

The next day, Lauren and Stephanie sit outside and check out some dudes. Stephanie asks about the housewarming party, and then apologizes for not coming, but admits that Spencer and Heidi guilted her into staying away. Lauren tells her about Stephen, and that she's going out to dinner with him tonight.

I need a name for Lauren, Audrina, and Lo's House. LAL House? Lauren waits for Stephen to pick her up, and tells Lo that she's not sure if it's a date or not. Lauren admits that she's excited about it. Stephen picks her up. Lauren is wearing a really pretty (there's that word again!) one-shoulder navy toga style dress. I think it's cute. I wouldn't pay $400 for it or whatever she probably paid, but it looks nice on her.

They go out to eat, and Stephen makes random noises as usual. Lauren reveals that Lo is dating somebody, and she thinks Audrina is back with JB. Stephen is like, "Isn't it kind of weird that Audrina lives twenty steps away and you guys don't really talk?" Lauren says quietly, "She's not that kind of a roommate." What? When did Lauren and Audrina start hating each other? Lauren segues to talking about how Lo thinks they're still in high school and was hoping Lauren and Stephen would get together. Lauren and Stephen both admit that their moms were both hoping they'd get together. Stephen takes this opportunity to make it clear that they are just friends and this date is just platonic. Lauren looks disappointed but recovers to say that her parents know that Stephen is a good friend to her. Aw, Lauren. Always the bridesmaid.

On the way home, Lauren tries to get a nostalgia fuck by bringing up all the times that Stephen drove her home in high school and how he always got her home in time for curfew. Stephen says he considered her to be "precious cargo" and Lauren reads way too much into it as usual and looks all hopeful again. Stephen doesn't even walk her into the house so they just awkwardly car hug. He doesn't even pull in her driveway! What a jerk.

Lauren walks in and Lo wants the scoop on what happened. Lo makes a hilarious hand waggling gesture that she claims indicates "You two -- together!" Lauren says they're just friends. Lo is sad. Lauren says, "Hanging out with him makes me feel like high school. But I'm not in high school anymore." I love how Lauren totally talks in sound bites. Like if Stephen ever shows up in a future episode, you know that clip will be in the "Previously On" segment. Lo giggles that she hopes Lauren and Stephen will eventually get together and get married: "Because that's what I really want!" I love Lo, but she's kind of thirteen at heart. You think I was kidding about the collage earlier? You know what, though? When I was seventeen and totally in love with the same guy since third grade and totally convinced that we were meant to be together? I would have watched this show and been like, "I CAN SO RELATE!" So maybe I'm not the target audience at my current age.

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The Hills




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