The Hills

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Double-Datin' & Playa Hatin'

Previously: Spencer is a threat-spewing nut job with whom people can't even be paid to associate anymore. Heidi has logged out of The Matrix. Audrina kick-started a showmance with Gerard DEP-ardieu, a.k.a. Ryan Cabrera, leaving Brody in the dust. So he turned to the easy lay, Kristin, making it clear he had no interest in a relationship. "But what I didn't know was that our new arrangement was about to become the biggest test our friendship had ever seen..."

Kristin and Brody meet up to suck down pints at some d-bag frat bar. They share lukewarm feelings over Audrina's new relationship with Gel-sey Grammer, mainly because into the "Can you believe everyone has a boyfriend/girlfriend?! Not us!" conversation. Brody says he's dating around and fishes for intel on whether Kristin is. She says she isn't, so he smirks, "Only me?" She shoots back, "Who said we were dating?" Touché. He drops the news that he's going on a date with "a friend... that I met." Yeah, sounds like a real chum. She says then she must be able to date, too, and he's all, "I don't give a fuck." So she says she will start dating, then, but she didn't want to "hurt [his] feelings." So there! God, isn't this supposed to be not who Kristin is? At least LC didn't have her desperation so out there like this. It's just eighth-grade embarrassing. He reminds her that he has no intention to be in a relationship. Been there, done that, right? Credits.

Audrina's house. Audrina tells Gel-ly Ripa that she's got more plans for him to hang out with her "friends." He groans. He's obviously gotten the number on these people and doesn't want any part of their idiotic antics. And yet?! Why is he on this show. Don't tell me it's because he can't go one moment without Audrina's sparkling conversation. Because even LC kept an entire relationship off the cameras -- as is Whitney Port on The City -- as is Brody in the second half of The City, then. They jabber about how one day there will be a utopia when all the D-listers can hang out without the dramatics. Until then, Ryan will be waiting at home in his candy thong, reading The Catcher in the Rye. He actually supplied that last flight of fancy. Because believe you me, I would not be subjecting you to visions of that butterface in skimpy undies. Shudder. Anyhow, nothing happened in that scene, save that Gel-ly espouses not to like the very people he's pegging his pathetic adult contemporary pop comeback on. Great strategy there, bud. Neither smart nor amusing, a real winner!

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The Hills




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