The Hills

Episode Report Card
Kim: B | Grade It Now!
Pack Lots of Black

People's Revolution. Whitney announces that she's going to New York the next day, and she and Lauren express surprise that things are happening so quickly with Whitney's new job. Lauren jokes that all Whitney can do is "pack lots of black." I feel like there's a euphemism in there somewhere, but I can't quite find it, so I'm just going to stick with the ever-popular "That's what she said." I don't know what that means. Whitney earns her paycheck for the week by turning the conversation to Lauren and Doug. Lauren admits that she's not that excited about Doug, and she's kind of over it, because there's no spark there. Whitney advises Lauren to end things, because it's not like a spark is just going to present itself at some future point. She even gives Lauren some talking points, which boil down to "It's not you, it's me." Lauren knows she should do it, but just doesn't want to have the conversation. Who does? Is there anyone out there who looks forward to the break-up conversation?

FIDM. Lauren meets up with Stephanie on a wall outside. Stephanie breaks the news that Spencer disowned her over the birthday party. The thing that cracks me up is this: wouldn't you be kind of devastated, or at least mildly upset, if a sibling got so angry with you that he or she disowned you? And yet, Stephanie talks like she's discussing the fact that the pizza place ran out of pepperoni, so she had to have a plain cheese pizza for dinner last night. Not that she eats carbs, but you get the point. I'm not sure if this is because A) the sibling in question is Spencer, and he sucks, or B) Stephanie kind of sucks, or C) this whole thing is fake so who cares? Probably D) all of the above, right? Anyway, Stephanie uses the opportunity to express how grateful she is that Lauren is still her friend and it's all kind of embarrassing because I actually kind of like Lauren as a character on this fake show but the adulation does get a little over the top.

NYC. People's Revolution. Whitney shows up and Kelly immediately starts in on her, accusing her of lingering on the way in from the airport, and Whitney is all, "No! I swear! I came straight here!" That job would be exhausting, with the constant accusations and backstabbing. Anyway, Kelly tells Whitney to jump right in by helping with casting a male model. There are lots of half-naked model-types hanging around. Kelly starts questioning one of them and Whitney starts chatting him up, because they both went to USC. We learn that Whitney wasn't in a sorority, and then Kelly makes the dude take off his shirt and then invites the dude to join them all for drinks that night. I'm not clear on whether she's inviting the dude to be Whitney's new love interest, or if she's interested in him herself, or if this is just how she does business. It's fascinating. Kelly tells Whitney that this is multitasking "in the power bitch way."

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The Hills




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