McDesperate makes an obvious beeline for Brody and yet still tries to appear coy. It's not a good look. Brody ignores her faulty wiles and makes no bones about asking why Allie is still in the picture. He reminds her that no one likes that minx Lutz and says it's freaking him out that she keeps thwarting his authority to hang out with her. As McMillionToOne tries to convince Brody to uncover her motives in private, Kristin has the smug smirk of a winner on her face. She's won this idiotic battle before it's even begun. McKidlet, you fail. Case in point, McKryMeARiver whines about how Brody has disappeared from her life.
Seeing that her much lesser competition will never get the point unless it's beat into her, Kristin finally turns around to give it to her. She says, bitchy or not, at least she's not pretending to be all sweet and innocent like McScheme-y. She says it's obvious that McDeadInTheWater isn't innocent because she hangs out with the likes of Allie Lutz. McPummeled weakly says she doesn't need a life lecture from Kristin, to which Kristin's all, "Then get the fuck off my turf already." McDumbFuck leans in and tells Kristin she tried to be her friend and doesn't deserve this treatment. Kristin lands the death-blow, saying she never considered McKnockOff a friend.
Allie sweeps in as if to usher McLickingHerWounds away, but really she just wants to shoe horn herself into the dialogue. She shouts out that Kristin and Co. are "jealous girls that can't handle any other pretty girls in L.A." Such as? Because you can't be talking about yourself, Lip Liner Lutz. Kristin awesomely stands up and tells her to come over and say that to her face. She practically takes off her shoes and earrings, y'all. Girl fight! Allie comes over and tries to act all tough as they scream in each other's faces. But she undermines herself by focusing her energy on BS, clearly the Beta Girl. Even McShockingBurstOfDignity is embarrassed that Lutz has brought about this scene with her shouting. Why she's telling this to some random, 47-year-old bystander, I don't know. Finally Brody breaks up the bitch brawl by reminding them they're in public. Kristin has already walked away nonchalantly as Allie acts like she has some power over Kristin's mood, saying, "I don't want to ruin your night, so let's just leave it at that." Oh, Allie. Kristin did just leave it at that. "It" being you, and "at that" being in her dust. McMortified clamps down on Allie as Brody and Kristin straight-up laugh their way out of the fracas.
A few moments later, when everyone has calmed down, Kristin thanks Brody for having her back. He tells her he'll always have her back because she's been in his life for years, not like some silly little trick. Cut to said trick, stewing in her own juices as she gives them the cut-eye from across the room. Kristin asks if Brody can take her home. He spells out the insinuation, saying he can't drive her home, but he's happy to take her home. At least it's not a fumbling blowjob joke, I guess. They walk out hand in hand, then arm in arm. Status quo dressed up as plot progression.
Next week: Confrontations aplenty -- Kristin and McShe'sStillHere?, Kristin and Loose Lips Lutz, Brody and JB, to name a few. Audrina breaks up with Scarlett O'Haira (again?) and finds herself alone on the prow of a yacht with JB, trying their particular brand of futility on for size once again.