Spencer and Brody roll into the jewelry store looking for some "bling." Oh for Pete's... Spencer makes a big dramatic show of the obnoxiously large ring he's picking out and how he should affix a tracking device to it, "so Heidi doesn't lose it." Sure, that too. Brody must've let him use the credit card anyway, because Spencer's like, "Sold. Wow. Done. Ready to get engaged." He buys the ring, making sure everyone knows he's buying the fattest diamond in creation, and then showily refuses the receipt, because he won't need it. That scene gave me hives. And a rage disorder.

After the commercials, Fergie serenades Spencer and Heidi down the highway to Santa Barbara. Meanwhile, Lauren's also taking a trip south, though hers is to Laguna. She visits with her mom and once again dances around the subject of Heidi and the sex tape rumors. They talk about how weird L.A. is and how people get caught up in it and become assholes.

Cut to: Spencer and Heidi. They lie on the beach, and he butters her up with this poetic gem: "You're pretty much the most amazing person I've met in my whole life, and that's so real, and every single day I'm with you I really am happy every day, and I...it's so...real." ...Really? He says he loves her and gives her the ring, but no one pops any questions, so in the end it's an empty gesture for an empty relationship. Heidi, in return, can't even begin her "Why I love you" talk without mentioning how everyone in her life told her Spencer was an asshole, which is pretty funny.

Back in Laguna, Lauren's mom hopes Lauren won't have any trust issues after this. Lauren thinks that's inevitable, after losing "three of the closest people in my life over the last year." Heidi, Jason, and Jen Bunney, one would assume. Lauren's mom's advice is to just keep on the right path. Gee, thanks Mom. Can't you just call Heidi a bitch and pour a margarita already? Lauren cheers herself up by walking out to her balcony patio overlooking all of Laguna Beach, and we're treated to a glimpse of the Conrads' fucking gorgeous mansion of a house. Fergie can't even ruin that visual.