The Hills
Big Girls Don't C

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Big Girls Don't Cry

Audrina meets Justin for their date. And...I may need coffee myself if I'm to accurately convey this guy. He looks like Jared Leto playing a grunged-out parody of himself on Entourage. He looks like if Keanu and River Phoenix conceived a child during the My Own Private Idaho shoot and he's now of age. He looks like a low-rent male stripper in character as Eddie Vedder. He looks awesome, is what I'm saying. I hope he's around all season.

Back home, Lauren and Lo (!) are having drinks, waiting for Audrina to come home so they all can go out. Lo really needs to give Whitney pointers on how to ask Lauren leading questions about this week's A-plot without sounding like she's reading cue cards. Phonetically. They rehash the Audrina/Justin/ditched in Vegas back-story, and Lauren says he's Audrina's ex-boyfriend that you keep going back to. Lo asks if they're going to be "boyfriend-girlfriend" and then they both have a totally deep exchange about whether people can change and I'm too busy admiring Lo's Oxford-stripe '50s-style top to really pay attention. Lo's point is that you should go looking for a guy you'll have to change. Find a guy who's already in working order. But then there'd be no show!

Audrina and Justin make awkward dinner conversation. Awkward for me, I mean. They both seem to be in empty-headed bliss, muttering parts of words to each other and eating off each other's plates.

Back with the Laguna girls, Lo asks what this guy's name is again. Lauren's like, "It's Justin? But he wants to change it to Bobby? So people keep calling him Justin-Bobby." Lo loses her shit at that one, just as Audrina and Justin-Bobby are getting home. "We have to be nicer!" Lo wheezes, as she and Lauren struggle to regain their composure. Justin-Bobby introduces himself to Lo, and they blather something about how great dinner was, and Lo's like, "Yeah, uh-huh, so Justin? I heard you're trying to change your name to Bobby?" Love her so much. Justin says all his friends call him Bobby, so... Lo says she really likes the sound of "Justin-Bobby." He gets up to look for Audrina, and Lauren and Lo wonder if they offended him. Some time later, Audrina says she and Justin-Bobby are going to Forty Deuce. There is no less than one billion seconds of awkward dead air as Lauren doesn't seem to know what to do with this information. Because all three girls were supposed to go together. No Justin. Or Bobby. I guess you need reserved seats at Forty Deuce? Or else why wouldn't they all go? But Audrina took the tickets, and Lauren thinks it's weird that Audrina just switched things up like that. "I think Justin-Bobby took your ticket," Lo stage whispers.

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The Hills

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