So she sort of forgot herself, and those eyes went to the ceiling and when they came back down again, there was Justin Bobby dressed like Rufus Humphrey dressed like Lady Gaga, and he rubbed his wang on a motorcycle and Audrina's works started sparking and there was a smell like burning.

So now it's lunch and Lo gets into Audrina's shit about how she lost her mind at the Ryan Cabrera show, but Audrina still can't even figure out why. She's turning into that homeless thing like where your skin and eyes and hair become all the same color. Kristin chins her way into pretending that she cares about this even a little bit, and tries desperately to remember who Justin Bobby is.

They decide that what really happened is, it's weird when Ryan Cabrera sings that one song he knows at you from the stage, because it's too intense in a karaoke way, and also from that far away you can see how old and puffy he is. The hair doesn't have quite the loft anymore. Lo tells her she's better off, having broken them up in her head the second she sat down because who wants to actually process this shit with Audrina, and Audrina starts talking about how she made a list of pros and cons. But the pros are, "He is not Justin Bobby" and the cons are "He is not Justin Bobby." I am so sure Audrina made a list.

And second of all, what would even be on that list? "Ryan Cabrera is so whupped that he can be totally trusted, and he goes on tour and is sort of awful to be around when he's not on tour, so I would basically just be dating no boys at all." I think Ryan Cabrera is adorable, I like his hair and his pudgy little face, and I hate dating, so honestly this arrangement sounds perfect to me. But Audrina, she needs somebody interesting, somebody flashy, somebody who will notice if she forgets to breathe in and then out and then in and then out again, and knows what to do next.

Somebody who is cool whether you say "Peace" and kick rocks and be acquaintances, or be cool with each other and enjoy the company and have fun when you go out and do things, and not let the bullshit get in the way. Somebody who can look beyond it and just be cool -- who has already, in fact, looked beyond it. Somebody who can take you for who you are and the person you are and the heart that you have, and won't let anybody interfere with that. Somebody who knows that truth, in time, tells all.

Stephanie's bored. Let's talk about Audrina's birthday. Stephanie wants to go to Marina Del Rey and go on "one of those boat rides," and something about the teamsteresque way she makes this suggestion is just incredibly lovable. Kristin likes this idea, Audrina loves it, and they decide to invite all their "regular" friends, including gross Stacey, but not -- not, it is emphasized, including Ryan... And Justin Bobby. Kristin sort of slips that in there, but even Audrina is like, "I see what you did there."