Kristin, Lo and Steph head to a boutique to buy things for Audrina. What to buy for the girl who is too vague for everything? I wouldn't buy that girl shit. No, I would buy her things to fuck her up, like Ayn Rand books or a Jenny Craig gift card. In Switzerland you can rent an evil clown to follow the birthday boy or girl around all week, lurking and menacing them in many ways, until they're convinced they're going to be murdered and then... Surprise! It was all in fun. It occurs to me that bringing Justin Bobby around at this juncture is Kristin's way of getting her all three of these presents at once. Good girl.

Lo and Kristin try to talk themselves out of feeling guilty about throwing Justin Bobby at Audrina like the world's greasiest spider, but honestly, as much as I always knew Heidi would leave Spencer in my heart, I always knew Audrina and Justin Bobby were meant to be together. Kristin agrees: Truth in time tells all, my friends.

But it is pretty hilarious to watch Lo be like, "Well, JB always has an agenda, and Audrina has the EKG of a piping-hot loaf of rye bread fresh from the oven, so probably this will end in murder, or Ryan Cabrera jumping out into traffic... But you know, it could be fun too. You just never know." She also points out that he will probably just show up anyway, somehow, and so they might as well just go for it. Perfect.

Brody, good old Taylor, and awful Frankie are hanging out, talking about birthdays and crazy break-in blonde girl and McK and how she is fakely innocent and somehow creepy. He says she can be in the rotation, but not in a way where he's not going to keep Kristin from poking her eyes out. Then they call each other girls and suck each other's dicks and it's all very normal.

That night, the boys dress up like douches, and Kristin makes glitter appear at the club, which is very magical, and then the boys suck on more dicks, and Kristin is three sheets and climbs up Brody's magnificent body to make fun of his douchey knit hat. Lo dances in this like amazing way, and Brody tries to figure out if Kristin's drunk enough to hook up without being so drunk that she'll do something fucked up. She tries to bite his face, and then McKaela shows up with crazy blonde girl and like... Isn't this last week? Did we time travel? Did we travel through time?