Pro: Allie is so wonky looking that she makes you appear slightly less bland than you actually are. Pro: You can be twice as crazy standing next to her, and nobody will notice. (This is already happening: Con.) Pro: As I understand it, you were deposited here on a bus from Fort Knuckleduster in the Appalachians with only a valise and that jitterbugging trophy, so probably she can spot you blow.

Con: Bitch is crazy. Con: Kristin is an indefatigable embodiment of justice, and you are already two strikes down. Con: You are not interesting enough on your own to make this a workable scenario. If Allie is the Spencer, you're no Heidi: You're just Audrina. And if Audrina and Spencer had hooked up, he'd be sipping French onion soup out of her hollowed-out skull by now, on a throne made of bones. And what I see happening here is that Allie is going to end up doing just that, because you're the only person retarded enough to pay attention to her, and she's never had that experience before. So when she shows up in your house in the middle of the night, creeping-creeping into your jewelry box to find something she lost there, maybe at that point you'll get it. Or like the evil Swiss clown, it will be too late for you.

Further Con: I gotta mention the Kristin thing again, because there is never actually a reason to piss off Kristin. She's not a bad guy, she's awesome, and she doesn't want to destroy you -- she's just willing to do it, if you want her to. And you are sending her an embossed fancy invitation to do so, for reasons I still don't understand. And let's not even get into the Brody thing, because seriously even without the Kristin element spicing things up with the fear, how bad do you have to suck for Brody to even notice you have a personality, much less form an opinion about it?

Anyway, Lo walks up as Kristin tries to explain one more time about how Allie doesn't need to be brought to the taping every week so she can do her tired old cokehead routine, and stupid-ass McKaela goes, "Is this really about Allie, or..." -- time takes a cigarette, puts it in your mouth, pulls on your finger, then another finger, then the cigarette, because you know exactly what she's about to say, and so does Kristin, and oh my God as time slows to a crawl Kristin's jaw slowly drops -- "...Or is this about me dating Brody?"