The Hills

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The One Before Vegas

Elsewhere, Heidi lunches with Audrina and asks her about JB. Audrina rues that it was a total disaster and that JB has let her down again. Heidi assures her that, if it hadn't been Kristin, it would have been someone else. She urges Audrina to put him out of her mind once and for all. Then she turns to her favorite topic: Heidi. She catches Audrina up on all the vasectomy dramz. Audrina agrees that such a drastic measure was a "slap in the face" to her, basically implying that he never wants kids -- specifically with her. Heidi retells her brilliant plan to skip her birth control pills and spring a kid on Spencer. Even Audrina thinks this is an ill-advised maneuver. And this coming from the girl still shocked and heartbroken by her million-and-ninth return to the same guy. Just as she did in Dr. Mansbasher's office, Heidi plows forward with her disregard to Spencer's vociferous objections and all thinking (and some non-thinking) people's objections. She has decided that this world needs a Speidi Baby, so she'll make the call herself. As Heidi outlines her plan to seduce Spencer with home cooking and romantic ambience, Audrina cups her face in her hands with an incredulous, but totally amused "Oh my God!" Heidi intones chipper yet ominously, "I always get what I want!"

That night, Brody (whose chyron has been demoted to "Kristin's Ex-Boyfriend") meets up with Jayde. Before the conversation even starts, they look like they hate each other. Always a good starting point for a conversation on whether or not you should keep dating. Brody says Jayde looks upset, so she mentions her drinks disaster with Kristin. Brody says Kristin already told him all about it. He asks why on Earth Jayde would think such a rendezvous would be a good idea. Jayde claims she was "trying to be an adult and tell her to back off." OMG, there are so many logical flaws in that argument, my brain can't even compute. Brody points out that he's free to do what he wants since he and Jayde are on a date. And once again I feel it's incumbent that maybe it's not the best course of action to do what he wants when that course of action confirms the precise set of fears on Jayde's part that caused the break in the first place.

Jayde starts to explain how they move forward now that she knows what she's up against in Kristin, but Brody interrupts her before she can even get a word in. Jayde cuts him off and tells him to shut up so she can make her point. Brody's response? To mime shooting himself in the head. Again, a promising way to interact with your girlfriend during a relationship talk! Meanwhile, Jayde has obviously rehearsed this shit in her head and decided to dump on Brody everything she wishes she had said to Kristin the other night. She claims she's nice to him when he's not provoking her. He gets caught on the disrespect of her telling him to shut up and tells her, "I will go jump off a building if I have to argue with you one more time." Oh, Brody... I said it to Spencer, and it bears repeating with you: Don't tease! Jayde changes tacks, saying she doesn't want to argue, either. She says she wants to work things out and that she misses him. Of course, she can't resist throwing in that he's been a jerk. She suggests they get back together. A smile spreads across Brody's face. Bemused? Amused? Pleased? Farting?

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The Hills

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