The Hills

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The One Before Vegas

The next night, Kristin meets Brody for a Jayde rehash dinner. Kristin's smile fades immediately, if not sooner. Brody admits he loves Jayde and wants to get back together with her. He invited Kristin to salvage what's left of their friendship and make it clear that he doesn't want to take things any further. Kristin makes no efforts to shield her contempt when she wishes Brody the best with Jayde. He picks up on her lack of enthusiasm, and she doesn't mince words in saying she thinks he and Jayde make each other miserable. Further she makes it clear that she has developed a real distaste for Jayde. She moans about being in the midst of all this fighting (Brody and Jayde, JB and Audrina), finally telling Brody he deserves better.

Speidi Web 2.0. Spencer rolls up to behold Heidi's "Knock Me Up" Special. Amazingly, he doesn't run at the thought of eating Heidi's homemade cookery (you know homegirl can't cook!), though he is a bit baffled by this out-of-nowhere display of affection. She claims this is "what wives do" and brags that this spaghetti smothered in Ragu is her "mom's recipe." Meanwhile, you know this shit is rigged, because Master Manipulator Spencer is savvy enough to know a scheme when he sees one. That's his stock and trade. He plays along by giving Heidi the most suspicious-slash-dubious look ever, but if Spencer were really living up to his character, he would have closed this nickel-and-dime operation down before the plates even hit the table. She diverts his attention by offering to say grace. During which, it must be noted, she thanks God for her outfit. Seriously.

Heidi continues to look at Heidi with a stupid, confused look. He asks what's going on. She claims she's finally feeling settled into the house and the marriage and wants to start a good routine. She over-acts, giving a chipper "Mmmmmm..." at her dorm-level home cooking. Spencer ignores the obvious tip-off and takes the opportunity to thank her for demonstrating her forgiveness after he almost got a vasectomy on her. (Need I even point out how this is the most batshit-insane married people conversation ever short of the "Do you like the paté? Good, I made it out of our dog" scene in The War of the Roses. No? Good.) A little too eagerly, Heidi foists the blame on herself for putting too much pressure on him. With fierce determination and the flicker of fame-hungry demon spawn in her eyes, she vows to start fresh and stop pushing him. He asks her what's for dessert, and she tells him to get ready...

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The Hills

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