The Hills

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
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Relationships Take Work

Previously: Lots of missteps, including Lauren sticking her neck out professionally for ShePratt, Audrina sticking her cooch out for Justin Bobby, and Heidi admitting she knows Spencer, at all.

Big Wangs -- the girls' "going out when we don't feel like going out" bar. I have one of those, too. It's called my couch. Drinks are really cheap and come with a pint of Ben & Jerry's. Lauren and Audrina reminisce about fun times they've had there and scope out cute boys, which I'm sure is really easy to do when you've got a frickin' film-quality camera crew shooting you from all angles. Audrina says she's been staying away from boys since the whole Justin spit-covered ring debacle. Audrina worries that she is a serial monogamist, always going from one relationship to the next. I wonder what her definition of "relationship" is, because JB was just an extended mind-(and other things)-fuck, and it hasn't seemed like any of the other grunge freaks she's dated on the show have lasted more than a couple of dates. Lauren encourages her to date around, and Audrina jokes that if Lauren sees anyone that's her type (dirty? mentally insufficient? insufferable? attracted to vapidity?) to send him her way. Credits.

I love you, Kelly! It's my fave song, y'all. The episode might get a higher grade just for that, not gonna lie. We join Lauren and Stephanie hard at "work" cataloging clothes at People's Rev. It's Steph's first day, and Lauren is telling her the works and what they will do on a day-to-day basis. In the distance, we hear "Stephanie left that there?" Kelly comes rampaging in screaming at Steph for leaving some sort of garbage (probably an iced coffee that's still half-full) on the reception desk. Kelly continues sniping about the trash as she dumps out a box of garments, saying that they'll have to start over again because Steph was eating crackers near the clothes. The clothes "are like people's kids," she says gravely. She gets a little more reasonably as she cools down, explaining that the tasks may seem simple, but they must be done well so as not to sacrifice her relationships with clients. Steph comes back with some questions and helpful suggestions, and the tension abates a bit... for now. Then Kelly asks Lauren to monitor Steph before exiting with the caveat, "I am watching you, Stephanie Pratt." This must be the gun-to-back scenario she augured last week. Lauren hands her a lint roller, the fashion metaphor for a kiss on the cheek, apparently.

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The Hills

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