The Hills

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
Relationships Take Work

Lauren continues to trudge through her training of Stephanie. One painful step at a time. The next lesson involves checking clothes in with various types of spreadsheets. Steph suddenly deglazes her eyes and snaps back. Lauren grows frustrated and asks if Steph needs her to do it. Steph sloooooowly wheels over to the desk, saying rather unconfidently that she has the file, giving herself some time to figure out what the hell she screwed up this time by saying she'll transfer the files tonight. Lauren doesn't buy it for a second and asks again directly if Steph did the work. She gives some cockamamie story about the box being less full than it is now. You know, Steph, all boxes look the same, roughly? Right? You know this?

They get down to the rub of things -- Steph didn't do her work yesterday, so now she's fairly screwed and may need to reinvent the wheel today. Lauren reminds her that there is a system in place precisely to avoid these types of situations and that Steph really needs to focus when she comes in to work. All this is lost on the ShePratt, though, because she is drawing puppy dogs and daisy chains on her note pad (probably the one she's supposed to be using to take down messages... on the phone that she refuses to answer). Lauren calls her out for not listening, and Steph gets retreats her little defensive corner -- you know, the place where stupid people go when they're forced to recognize their own incompetence. She claims that she's "bad at confrontations." Lauren can barely contain her disappointment as she explains that she's not trying to confront her, but rather train her. She puts things in perspective, saying that this conversation would be going quite differently with Ms. Cutrone. More screaming and firing, basically. That one seems to sink in. Meanwhile, is anyone else finding it ironic ShePratt at People's Rev = Lauren at Teen Vogue? Forgetting that Steph is an undeserving, unsalvageable nincompoop, it seems that all along Lauren has been trying to save Steph from herself, to be the sage old bird and, as a result, the center of her attention in all things life lesson-related. God bless Lauren Conrad, it's such a typically ill-devised DIY project.

Couple's Scare-apy. I am loving that their doctor's name is Dr. Jordana Mansbacher. Pronounced "Mansbasher," perhaps? The Mexican newlyweds come in all smiles and sunshine, like they're fooling anyone. Dr. Mansbasher asks what brings them to couples therapy, or as I like to call it, "Shit or get off the pot." Heidi goes into a long, heavily dubbed spiel about Stacie, the bar shenanigans, Spencer's "secret life," etc., finally hitting her crescendo with the most awesomely tabloid-ready claim that Spencer is "having an emotional affair." Spencer, in turn, says that Heidi doesn't trust him, despite his many efforts. She throws in that they almost got married twice, and he has to remind her of their Mexican wedding. Dr. Mansbasher has some pretty awesome reaction shots as she takes in all this fuckery. She tells them their bullshit problems are "really high school-ish" and asks if they're really serious about workings things out. Ha!

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The Hills




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