The Hills

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Shady Stephanie

Previously, Heidi hadn't told her parents that she and Spencer were living together again. Because she didn't want her family all up in her business in relation to the guy she's planning to marry. Stephanie shadily went out with Doug while Lauren was in Italy. Yes, Lauren broke up with Doug. Still. Shady. Very Pratt-ian.

Lauren and Whitney work out. Whitney uses her cool-down period to get the deets on what Lauren's been up to. Lauren talks about her trip to Italy and Stephanie and Doug's date. Even the trainer is like, "Didn't you date Doug, Lauren?" Didn't Whitney date the trainer at one point? The trainer is all, "Stephanie's a straight-up bitch! That shit is wack!" Okay, I don't know why I made the trainer a character from In Living Color circa 1992, but work with me here.

Wow, MTV really loves Britney now. They are featuring her new song right at the top of the show. Anyway, Lauren and Stephanie meet up at FIDM outside. Lauren is totally giving Stephanie the cold shoulder and then just blurts out, "I heard you had dinner with Doug. What are you doing?" Stephanie claims that Doug took advantage of her and used her to get back at Lauren. And then Stephanie is like, "But I'm totally going to his party tomorrow." Kind of awesomely, Lauren is like, "You erased him from your phone and want nothing to do with him... but you're going?" Stephanie comes up with some bullshit rationale about how she got the invite weeks ago. Dude, it's not a wedding. You can just not show up. Lauren gives her a scrunchy WTF face and Stephanie (who I'm just now realizing kind of looks like old school Ashlee Simpson) grins stupidly. And then they both just stare into space.

Heidi and Spencer's Den of Hell. Holly and Heidi are making cupcakes. Holly has a surprise for Heidi; their mom is there! Darlene! Awesome name! Spencer gives Darlene a hug and is all sarcastic about how happy he is. Heidi is forced to admit that she and Spencer are living together, and Darlene is like, "I can't believe Holly had to tell me." Darlene totally forces the issue and says that she doesn't know why Heidi felt she had to hide it, and maybe that says something. And the whole time Spencer is sitting right there! He practically popped himself some popcorn and rubbed his hands together, because he loves it. So Darlene wants to go out to lunch with Heidi alone, and Spencer pretends he's cool with it.

Stephanie and Doug have dinner in a restaurant. Stephanie spills that Lauren confronted her. Doug reveals himself to be the d-bag we all thought when he says, "Boom! Who cares what Lauren thinks? Boom!" Is that his new catchphrase? Doug promises to defend Stephanie to Lauren and Brody and Frankie and whoever. Stephanie wants to formulate another plan to fool everyone and dominate the world, but Doug's just like, "Boom! Who cares? Boom!" And then they totally have sex. And I'm not saying that Doug probably says "Boom!" during sex, but I totally am saying exactly that.

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The Hills

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