The Hills

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: A- | Grade It Now!
HMS Pina-whores

Back at The Dime, Spencer and his "friend" take more shots as Spencer chats up Bartender Stacie. I call BS! Steph's ex Cameron enters, so Spencer abandons his Diet Coke to stir up some shit. While Cameron's hipster friend downs a martini and takes in the show, Spencer and Cameron exchange barbs about "wifey" (Heidi) and Steph. Cameron asks what's up with the bartender, and Spencer actively fuels the fire by calling BS "a wild one." Spencer heads back over while his "friend" makes weirdo Hang Ten shadow puppets with his fingers. Stacie flits around like the lady bartenders at these kinds of places are wont to do, inspiring Spencer to do his best impression of a playa flirting, including but not limited to asking her "What gets you up on the bar?" She continues to tease his wallet out of his back pocket, telling him that it's gotta be "Pour Some Sugar on Me." She is totally playing (along) with him, as he ups the sleazy facial expressions to oblivion. But isn't that pretty much par for the course? Meanwhile, Cameron takes a cue from the Pratt handbook and talks shit to his buddies while furtively typing a text message.

Back in the horror-bor, Lauren blows out her candles as the boys continue in their sophomoric tomfoolery. Across the room, Audrina continues to carry on strained interactions with Stephanie until... GASP! Steph gets the text. Her expression could not be more dramatic if she were a contestant on RuPaul's Drag Race who just learned she had a mere two yards of gold lamé to construct a ball gown. Such is the over-exaggeration of her gasp. She verbatim reads the rat bastard text message to Audrina (who couldn't care less, btw) like it's the second coming of Heidi's BFF Jesus Christ himself, then bullshittily tries to act all cool when Heidi approaches and asks what all the drama's about. After waiting the manipulator's requisite "Should I or shouldn't I" one-millionth of a second beat, she blows the text tattle way the fuck out of proportion, making it sound like Spencer is at the club with some Playboy Bunnies. Audrina half-heartedly tries to diffuse the lies, but the damage has been done. And its name is Pratt. Heidi dramas that she wants to get off the boat. Yes, the boat that is in the middle of the freakin' harbor... And Steph runs after her, all supportive in her time of duress -- that she just caused! Commercials.

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The Hills




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